School System Declares War on Halloween Until its Masshole Parents Valiantly Fight Back

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Ah, America's education establishment. Is there no end to their meddling? They came after Christmas. They came after the Pledge of Allegiance. They've tried to change the meaning of Thankgiving and other secular holidays, just as long as they still mean a day off for them. But now those social engineers at Big School have gone too far. They've come after the one cultural celebration they should not be messing with:

Fox 25 Boston -  Melrose Public Schools will no longer celebrate Halloween during school hours, shifting instead to autumn-themed activities in its elementary schools in an effort to foster inclusion, the superintendent said.

“Over the past several years, MPS has worked to deemphasize Halloween and shift our focus toward community building through fall celebrations,” Friday’s letter from Dr. Julie Kukenberger reads. …

Kukenberger is reviewing other traditions among the district’s elementary schools to ensure they, too, fit with MPS’ mantra of, “one community, open to all,” she wrote.

“I am working in collaboration with our elementary principals to map out, month by month, the traditions and events that have occurred in our schools,” the letter reads. “Together we will create guidelines that are safe, inclusive and equitable to be implemented with consistency.”

Wow, thanks, Superintendent Kukenberger. We appreciate the fact you're not taking away Halloween altogether. Just the candy and costumes and decorations and scariness. You know, the stuff that makes it actually fun. But hey, at least you're leaving the kids something. The pure, unfiltered joy that can come from celebrating … autumn. By the time those young'uns are done squeezing all the excitement that talking about crop harvests, gourds, and leaves falling off deciduous plants, what could possibly compare? That will provide seconds, possibly even minutes, of enjoyment.

Fortunately, this is a story with a happy ending:

CBS Boston -  However, more than 2,500 people have signed an online petition urging the district to reconsider the decision, which has garnered national attention. The topic was debated during this week’s School Committee meeting, and parents planned a costume drive on Melrose town common Thursday to make sure all students would have a costume to wear. The superintendent said elementary schools will celebrate Halloween this year.

Actually, this is more than a mere happy ending. So much more.

This is an instructive, moral tale. At the risk of putting too fine a point on it, this is illustrative of the power of democracy. Of self-governance. Of what happens when a people don't agree with the laws they're being asked to abide. A reminder that what the Constitution says about how governments derive their just power from the consent of the governed. And that when said government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it. And to institute a new one that will positively effect their safety and happiness. 

It should be lost on no one that Melrose is less than 10 miles from Bunker Hill. And that same spirit that bled the ground red there in order to rise up against tyranny got thousands to sign that petition declaring this oppression will not stand. 

Look, I don't know this Dr. Julie Kukenberger. I'm not coming ad hominem after her personally. And honestly, if she'd come out at first and said, "Look, we've missed a lot of school in the last two years and have fallen behind. There's work to do to make up for lost time and we don't have the luxury of an in school Halloween celebration right now," a lot of us would probably be applauding her. 

This is not that. 

This is, both in policy and in tone, our betters telling us that the things we enjoy are objectively terrible. That all celebrations of any kind are unsafe. That traditions are exclusionary. That holidays and fun are inequitable. It's identical to the way some fundamentalists religious sects will declare a thing like Halloween unholy and evil, only wrapped in a blanket of inclusiveness. But at least people who object to an observance like Halloween have the decency  to leave their lights out and refuse to answer the door. They don't block off the streets and demand everyone else stay home. The Melrose superintendent chose to do the latter. Because as H.L. Mencken put it, "Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." 

On a more serious note, a collection of pediatric medicine groups and health institutions just announced that there is a mental health crisis going on among America's youth. That depression among kids is at crisis levels. Which should come as no surprise since spending months forcing them to stay home from school, keep away from one other, avoid playgrounds, sports, beaches and any other type of outdoor funtivities, and spend all day in front of a screen. What they need way, way more than handwringing about whether the community is "open to all" and some actual fucking community. Some sense of normalcy. For all. 

The next step will be to let kids dress up anyway they want. So that they're not charged with a hate crime if they want to be a Disney princess from Hawaii or a superhero from Wakanda. But that's a battle for next year. For 2021, just let them dress up eat junk food and stop the insanity. So good on you, Melrose. You made this lifelong Masshole proud.