The Official Top 15 Snake Drafts
We celebrate the 100th Snake Draft episode this week by drafting our favorite Snake Drafts. It's a show that's nearly two years in the making and something we're beyond thankful to publish. Easily the best thing about the Snake Drafts is how much the audience dictates the show's success. And after all this time, it's grown easier to recognize which drafts will overcome the test of time and remain important to you guys.
So in preparation for this monumental task, I compiled a master database and scored each episode on a number of factors: guest, topic, fan engagement, banter and competitive juices. It took hours upon hours, but ultimately I narrowed it down to a Top 30 to guide my choices. In the interests of transparency, here's my top 15 including a link to the video, the final graphic and where the episode was ranked/drafted.
Without further adieu:
#15. Overrated Draft - Big John the Mailman
Featured on Barstool
A good draft needs a good guest appearance and in this case Big John The Mailman 100% delivered. He's the perfect mix of veteran presence with natural salt and a hilarious ability of explaining himself. On paper he's quite vulgar, but listening to him in the flesh is like watching Greg Maddux pitch out of a bases loaded jam. Big John is that special. He's that much of a tactician and professional. Just look at that draft board: sports, music, entertainment, appetizer, pizza. Absolute fuckin murderer's row of selections.
Another thing that stands out is the fact Big John is Live In Studio with us. Maybe irrelevant to outsiders, but the banter is just so much easier to navigate when it's 5 bodies drafting in the same room. This was the earliest in-person guest appearance we've had on the Snake Draft and I think it shows up right away. The chemistry and connectivity is top notch. I give all the credit to Big John for pulling that off. Also, one of the very few guests to not be a Barstool employee. Outstanding show that I have 15th on my board. Unfortunately it went undrafted and thus I am not privy to the Fan Vote. But let the record show Big John turned in one of my favorite performances to date.
Fan Vote: N/A
Drafted: UNDRAFTED
#14. Summertime/BBQ Foods - Large
Summertime Foods was the first draft to create its own monster. Or at least it sure feels that way in hindsight. In just a single pick, an entire army and brand and group of people were instantly brought to life. Nobody saw the Burrata Gang coming and nobody sees it leaving. Just an absolute force majeure - a fancy compliment for a group of fancy taste.
Looking back, another thing that convincingly stands out is that it was the first time I remember being surprised with how much the guest knew about the draft. I'm not saying Large was dead on balls accurate taking Baby Lamb Chops 2 overall. But he was definitely in tune with the snake draft process and the related personalities from the very beginning. That was notable because I remember feeling like we hit a checkpoint or a benchmark. If Large was willing to roll up his sleeves and get weird with us then we were definitely on to something.
Meanwhile nobody really talks about all the bad picks overshadowed by Burrata. Mango despite a notable allergy? Corn on the Cob 1.1 overall? Hawaiian Salad & Ceviche in successive rounds knowing you're serving that food outdoors in the summer? The only reason I believe it is because I lived it. Otherwise I'd think this is one of those LCB troll graphics that says black licorice is the #1 selling candy in North Dakota.
Ultimately, I think Summertime foods made us think twice about the draft boards. The first batch of WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU GUYS THINKING and honestly it's made the room better. You can't convince me otherwise.
Fan Vote: 8th
Drafted: 15th by Ed
I'm exhausted from the gravy argument but I won't stop fighting. I went into this draft DYING to get my hands on stuffing and gravy. If I got those 2 then I knew the chips would fall my way. In hindsight it's probably the most eager I've ever been to make a draft pick. I couldn't even let Kevin finish his cornbread pick without hijacking the moment for myself. Over a year later and I'm pretty sure we're still making promos off the controversial pick/veto.
Thanksgiving Draft also hits because KFC really is a tier-1 guest when it comes to guesting on anything. But even more with holidays. He's been in the content trenches for well over a decade cranking out these kind of arguments. In some ways I felt like Kevin Costner playing catch with Shoeless Joe. There's probably a better comparison but I want to emphasize my respect for KFC's holiday takes.
Fan Vote: 17th
Drafted: 8th by Chief
12. Drafting a TV Family - Jeff D Lowe
Some of the best sounds ever recorded come out of WSD's mouth on this draft. Most of them are categorized as Extremely Horny but they're very funny nonetheless. It also involves one of the greatest picks of all time: Kelly Bundy as WSD's sister in the 5th round. Credit to Dave for being mature enough to look past her looks. Like yeah obviously she's a babe - but she's a better sister and a person. She's more than just a sex symbol. Good on Dave for seeing her total value and not just those legs.
Speaking of total value, Jeff D Lowe is one of the most thorough and well-reasoned guys I know. Just an absolute monster when it comes to putting his takes together. The depth of his knowledge is only matched by his equally uncanny ability to navigate it. Certainly a pro's pro in every sense of the term.
But ultimately this one belongs to WSD. Guy puts on an absolute clinic inside his brain to the point that scientists have used this episode as a reason to study him.
Fan Vote: 38th
Drafted: 18th by Chief
11. Halloween Candy Draft - Clem
Halloween Candy vs. Clem is like facing Pedro Martinez in 1998. You know coming in that baserunners are tough to come by. You have to be patient and play your best game just to hope for a chance to compete at the end. He's just got too much polish, poise and talent to pitch a bad game and obviously that holds true throughout this draft.
A severely underrated aspect of this draft is Clem's insight into the parenting side of Halloween candy. As we get older, it's important to know what kind of candy is easiest to steal from your children and the lies we need to tell ourselves to cope with it. There's no shame in that at all.
Strategically, Clem's sour patch watermelon pick in the 4th round just about blew my mind. Especially coming off Cow Tales in the 3rd. Really no excuse on my part to get that cute so early and ultimately I paid the price.
To me though this is a tier-1 nostalgia draft with maximum relatability. A holiday food category that heavily touches on our childhoods? That kinda mix ALWAYS plays. Halloween candy is a phenomenal draft.
Fan Vote: 18th
Drafted: 5th by Eddie
The Sequels Draft legitimately changed the way we think about picks and it's exactly why I have Rico ranked as the #1 Snake Draft guest ALL TIME. The combo of WW2 into New Testament was a snake draft nuclear bomb of insight. As a result, we learned to choose our words very, very carefully as evidenced by some later drafts loaded with red tape. Road trip snacks? Look no further than Sequels to understand the drama and chaos.
Sequels also gave life to separating things into different categories. It didn't happen directly after, but the influence was in the air. The first major creative draft that pushed us to tighten the screws. Not to mention the A+ entertainment from our beloved colleague Rico at a time we needed to get the draft to the next level. Honestly this one is all Rico. One of the best raw performances in snake draft history.
Fan Vote: 32nd
Drafted: 19th by WSD
I've already talked about Clem's prowess with snacks but this is different than Halloween Candy because Chips hit every single day. Like this is the most routine, regular category we could put in front of Clem and he absolutely fucking murdered it. This was something that brought the whole room together on a close level. There's really no bad chips on the board. But there are better lists.
Personally this one cuts a little deep because I 100% deserved this victory. But also personally this was the first time I actively decided not to try to burn the house down in response. New Orleans Voodoo Zapps are 1.1 chips but ultimately it's not up to me. It's up to you guys and you gave it to Clem. Fine by me. Clem absolutely commands the kinda respect it takes to tip your cap and that's exactly what I did in defeat.
Even so, there's something about drafting Chips that just feels so good. Anyone and everyone can be an expert. I don't know anybody that doesn't love a good chip. Ultimately that's the sign of a great draft. Get 5 guys in a room that all think they're the foremost expert on something simple and I'll show you some great banter. That's what the Chip draft was and it's an all time commentary on snacks.
Fan Vote: 15th
Drafted: 20th by me
8. Road Trip Snacks Draft - Trent
I had this one 8th which represents a major miss when you look at the fan vote. Honestly I had no clue the people felt this strongly in the early voting stages. To me this was a clusterfuck draft that we almost restarted 10+ picks in because it was so confusing. We ultimately decided to keep it moving but there was a point where we had MAJOR concerns about how this one would be received. Turns out you guys loved it and thank fucking God for that because this one meant a lot.
Without going too far behind the scenes, "road trip snacks" is a sacred topic of conversation around here. Me and Ed have been talking road trip snacks informally for years. We grew up raiding White Hen and gas station convenience stores. Drafting road trip snacks would be like a PGA golfer coming home to play his own course. Not saying the draft was any harder, but there's just lingering pressure to represent your values.
Closing things down is Trent. There's nobody in the company who understands convenience stores like our corn fed Iowa delegate. This is a man who worships Casey's general store to this day without a trace of irony. He knows the gatorade fridge better than you know your own mother. But he doesn't force it on you. It comes naturally and effortlessly like watching a manatee cruise the coastal waters of Australia. That was Trent on the Snake Draft and it was a delight to watch firsthand.
Fan Vote: 2
Drafted: 4th by The Audience
7. Best Air Conditioning Moments - Rico
Pure chaos. Just pure fucking chaos start to finish from WSD checking into a hotel to Eddie cooling off in a northwest side Baskin Robbins. This was a room of 5 grown ups that crave and need A/C any time the temperature cracks 70 degrees. This one is as close and personal to us as anything we could possibly draft. Just a bunch of soft, pasty, internet guys that want nothing more than the cool, sweet comfort of processed freon.
On that note, Rico (again) absolutely murdered the draft. No surprise but obviously worth mentioning. I don't know the first thing about a shore house or the small bedroom but that one resonated just the same. WSD drafting the same kind of AC 3 separate times and still winning is also a remarkable story line. And personally it was the first time I really fucked a draft up with the airplane AC.
Although to be fair, I stand by that pick so strongly that I'd probably fight you tomorrow if you challenged me. It's a great AC.
Always there when you need it.
Fan Vote: 9th
Drafted: 11th by me
6. Ballpark Concessions Draft - Big Cat
There's better topics in our history. Probably better collective performances and definitely more heated arguments. But pound for pound it's impossible to deny the chemistry when you put Big Cat in the mix. It's like your oldest brother coming home from college and hanging in the basement that first night. You're just so excited to get the band together and order some pizzas and hang out. That's the ballpark concession draft to me. The vibes are about as high as they've ever been in the office.
Tactically, there's some great moments on the board. Big Cat trying to draft the entire dessert cart. Eddie picking some lame fucking hat while Chief dons a lanyard on the rooftop. This is a draft that effectively breaks down our personalities in such perfect fashion. If we perished tragically you could just play this on repeat at the funeral services and it would do just fine remembering us. That's how strongly I feel about the ballpark draft. Maximum chaos start to finish.
Fan Vote: 7th
Drafted: 17th by The Audience
Honestly there's better drafts but there aren't much better topics or guests. Dave would profile much stronger against other guests if he had more regular appearances but truth is you have to take what you can get from Dave. The in-person appearance while we launch the sportsbook in Illinois was very special that day and it remains that way now.
Topically, it was equally cool to hear him rifle through Barstool's history with remarkable precision. He shit on us so effortlessly and then instantly turned around and put the draft under protest. It's about as flabbergasting of an appearance as I can remember and I mean that positively.
It also coincided with Dave's famous entrance to our old shitty office. Everything about this draft speaks to a simpler time in a smaller room where tempers flared more casually. Not saying the new place sucks but there's something special about this draft that really speaks to the core of Barstool Sports. Nothing fancy. Nothing special. Just 5 dudes talking about this random internet company they love in the backroom of Farmers Insurance. Milton vibes have never been higher.
Fan Vote: 4th
Drafted: 14th by The Audience
4. Sandwich Draft - Jim Graziano
This is the #1 draft on a lot of boards and I respect the shit out of it. Jim brought so much knowledge and expertise to the this one that it's hard to really compliment the aptitude of other guests. There's a reason this guy is the king of the sandwich and you can look no further than this podcast. But if you insist on more proof, then I encourage a trip to 901 W. Randolph or tasterealchicago.com to find out for yourself. His reactions and commentary are enough to make you guys come back again and again and again.
Personally I came in hoping for an Italian Beef/Cheesesteak combo. I wanted to put Chicago and Philly guys on the same team and let us fight the world. Turns out that was a good decision but I don't want to overlook the Ham in the 5th round. That was an important pick to me because I love ham sandwiches and eat a lot of them. So shoutout to ham sandwiches.
And also shout out to Jim one more time. I have a lot of respect for him in regular life stuff because I'm lucky to know him like that. But this hit different because he fuckin DELIVERED in the content. A total natural for the microphone and my 2nd favorite guest appearance of all time.
Fan Vote: 11th
Drafted: 6th by Eddie
By far and away the hardest I've ever laughed since seeing Wedding Crashers 1st time in the theater. It's legitimately one belly laugh after another and almost all of it comes from us just repeating famous quotes from the same 5 Adam Sandler movies. Maybe not the most appealing draft to those younger or older than us, but if you were born between 1984-1990, then this draft is for you.
PFT was the perfect guy for it because he's a good mix of weird while being able to recall these quotes and characters with remarkable accuracy. He actually knew the delivery guy's name from Big Daddy which I don't think people will ever credit enough. Just an absolute masterclass of 1990's comedy hits and by far the most nostalgic draft we've ever put together. And surprisingly zero arguments.
Tactically, it became obvious in the 2nd round that Shooter McGavin was the best pick of the draft. I remember thinking Billy Madison was the surefire pick 1.1 but the talent pool for villains is simply too small. Probably the most regret I've had in the middle of a draft for not thinking ahead enough. I still get mad I didn't see Shooter's value early on. Eddie got him 4 overall and walked away with it. Also - Hockey Putter is by far the best prop on the board. All around phenomenal draft.
Fan Vote: 13th
Drafted: 10th by me
2. Sports Divas Draft - Ryan Whitney
Whitney came out guns blazing in a top-5 guest performance in draft history. He's so contentious and aggressive and ready to tell anyone to fuck right off. And scout's honor that's exactly how it should be. Give me all of the fireworks and passion you can muster.
Another bonus is that Whitney is a bonafide subject matter expert. Guy loves to moan about stuff. One of the all time great moaners.
Topically this is my #1 sports draft. The banter turned out to be fascinating as everyone brought their strongest takes, which is exactly the kind of hustle and effort a Diva Draft demands. It's a perfect mix of trash talk but also funny stories, and it was weird to compare/contrast different divas from multiple eras and disciplines.
I could easily flip flow this one with the sandwich draft at 4 and still be happy, but ultimately this one had more fireworks. More thump. Each pick went through a meat grinder of opinions and it was the sharpest I've seen that room to date. For that I credit Whitney. He brings the best out of us even if he's not a natural leader.
Fan Vote: 3
Drafted: 6th by The Audience
1. Soda Pop Draft - Frank the Tank
What is there for me to say that hasn't already been said about this draft? It was downright SHOCKING that this ended up outside the Fan Vote Top 5. In hindsight I think it's just because people forgot about it? Maybe the Fan Vote was more skewed towards guest-name recognition or maybe people only remembered their top 1 or 2 and then just filled in the rest? Either way I feel there needs to be an explanation for this only being 6th by the audience. Absolute travesty.
Frank The Tank put on a clinic for the ages in the soda draft. Just look at these pairings:
That's the kind of expertise that only comes with decades of closely observing soda pairings and it was fucking incredible to witness firsthand. Even with absurdly high expectations he managed to completely knock our socks off. The GOAT status established and cemented for eternity.
Eddie says it perfectly. This was the draft where the 4 of us turned into the audience as Frank took over. Like watching someone card a 59 on Sunday at Augusta or throw a no hitter in game 7 of the World Series. By far and away the most impressive performance in Snake Draft history and I was delighted to be apart of it. The easiest 1.1 overall selection I've ever had to make.
Fan Vote: 6th
Drafted: 1st by me
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What's your favorite? What did I fuck up? Comment respectfully below: