Skip The Chocolates. Give Her The French Onion.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's a professional obligation to review French Onion for Large on demand. Not even request. Batman would kill to posses my kind loyalty to the signal. I'm here for you Large and I honor you with a blog in the most sincere format as possible. 

- Skip the chocolates fellas. Unless they're truffles. That's a distinction I'll never make naturally. But I know - comfortably - she (whoever she is) fuckin looovveeeessssss truffled anything.

these truffled truffles are amazing shut up

- But chocolate? No. A bag of peanut m&m's works on 99% of the same palettes. Don't overthink it. Save your energy for the 2nd and 3rd bottles of wine. Maybe even watch our snake draft today?

- Exception to my generally simple minded stance on chocolate: 

Now you have my attention. Unquestionably, inarguably, and without a fraction of debate/conflict/dissent/confrontation - a Fannie Mae Trinidad will take your taste buds to the goddamn woodshed. That's not even me being dramatic either. That's scientific fact born from decades of observation and personal preference. And trust me I would love to find a better candy. I think we all would irrespective of what our #1 candy is today. There isn't a single person out there who doesn't want to find the best candy on the planet. All I'm saying is that this is the #1 chocolate of all time and if you have another, I'm all ears guys. I really am. Bombs away with the suggestions.

- And again this is a blog about skipping chocolates this year but if you have to, go with the Fannie Mae that did NOT actively contribute the downfall of middle America. 

- Finance jokes kill it on this blog. 

- Let's talk soup: 

- Nice caramelization Large. I know you didn't broil the fuckin thing but if you get a chance, pass my compliments along to the chef. Really impressive familiarity with the stopwatch under the open flame. Comparable precision to the 40 yard laser timers they use in Indy. 

- Solid hang for a middle aged Irish guy celebrating his ____th Valentines Day. And whether the same goes for Large's dick probably comes down to proper hydration and balanced blood flow. A discreet swipe also helps www.getroman.com promo code RED. 

But I'm not talking dick. I'm talking cheese and the hang here is downright gnarlly. Clearly a natural gruyere. Maybe creamier than a traditional based on pure oozage. 

- Deep bowl with some penetration on the north wall. We don't love it when the pool cover slips in February but then I remind you it's nice to have a pool. There's worse problems in life. Especially when you consider the exterior coverage from the southbound cheese flap. Like having two children and one is kinda stupid but the other is extra smart. I don't have kids but I feel like you have to accept your victories where you can. That's how I feel about the cheese coverage here. 

- Premium uniformity which makes me wonder if this was blowtorched. I know that's like hitting BP with a metal bat but it certainly yields results. 

- On a personal level I love this bowl of soup because I've had it before on multiple occasions. I got a good buddy who grew up in Large's neck of the woods and we went down to Mac Murphys when I would visit after I dropped out of law school. It's the kind of bar that I would gladly start in my rotation as the #1. Even for a guy who hates trivia night (I know I'm the dozen champ but bar trivia makes me puke and that's a different blog), they do a decent trivia. I said decent. This is about the soup. I just wanted to establish a personal connection to this French Onion on the other side of the country. 

- Good bowl Large. Even better you got it on Valentine's Day because the broth is a natural aphrodisiac. At least I think. Seems to get me pretty horned up and I know I'm a decent litmus test for the wants and needs of an average man.

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- Rabbit also gets your loins moving. A little gamey, sure. But it's worth the price of admission if you ever get the chance. I know that's a left turn you didn't see coming but I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't mention it. Next time you're on a honeymoon try the rabbit. 

- Final Score: 9.4 bowl of French

Happy Valentines Day to this big bald bastard