This is the Best Video of a Half-Naked, Breastfeeding Mom Saving Her Pet Goose From an Eagle Attack You'll See All Day

I don't know how many hours in the course of a lifetime the average person spends watching nature documentaries, but it has to be in the thousands. Some of us grew up on Richard Attenborough and Jacques Cousteau. Now we have the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, Nat Geo, Disneynature. When properly done, few forms of art are as enthralling, educational, and capable of showing us our place on this miraculous planet. 

And yet I don't think anything I've ever seen has so explained the realities of our natural world as this one from British Columbia.

Global News - A B.C. mom is being hailed as a multi-tasking hero after saving her pet goose from the grips of an eagle.

While she was in the middle of breastfeeding her daughter.

Cait Oakley and her family have ... two geese and a number of chickens.

But Oakley said she received the fright of her life this past weekend when an eagle swooped down and tried to take their female goose, Frankie, right out of their driveway. ...

Oakley was getting her baby daughter dressed and ready for bed when she ... saw eagle wings flutter past the door.

“It had grabbed her by the neck,” Oakley said. “But I startled it enough that it didn’t get quite a good grip so I chased it up the driveway and it let go."

Is Cait Oakley really the hero in this piece? I mean, sure. I admire her as much as the next guy. Fighting off an apex predator in your underpants in order to save a beloved pet without the baby attached to your nipple doesn't miss a drop of her dinner is an absolute baller move. That little girl is probably going to grow up to be a mighty Warrior Princess thanks to the vitamins and nutrients in that energy drink she's feeding off of. 

But pardon me if I think the real hero is that eagle. It takes balls of titanium to swoop down in broad daylight into the middle of someone's driveway and try to fly away with a 20 lb goose. For all we know, that's a mother eagle, with a nest full of eaglets of her own that need to be fed. Pardon her if evolution didn't give her a chest full of food for her young'uns. She's got to go out and hunt it. And goose is delicious. Besides, if the eagles plan had succeed, there'd be one less of these filthy little buggers running around dropping fields of Fun Size Tootsie Roll turds all over golf courses. Then everyone would win. 

But if all the other nature films have taught us anything, it's that life doesn't play favorites. The food chain is a pure meritocracy. It has winners and losers. Survival of the fittest. A literal dog-eat-dog world. And on this day - as well as all the others, judging by the way she responded here - Cait Oakley is the true Alpha in this world. Congrats to her. And to her baby? Cheers.