Found On Sidewalk: Would You Smoke This Marijuana?
The Cubs got absolutely dusted yesterday 20-5 after holding a 3-0 lead at one point in the game. I've witnessed ass kickings but far and few as bad as that - with an opportunity to win a 4-game series against one of the worst teams in MLB. But alas, the baseball gods continue their weekly rampage on the strength of my spirits as I am repeatedly dragged and beaten with inconsistent, mediocre, uninspiring play.
So I'm out for a walk. I stop at a neighborhood tavern* I enjoy. Couple beers and the hockey game. Mexican coke to finish off the post up. It's a nice time on a nice evening in Chicago that serves as a lovely distraction from the 15-run ass pounding we took earlier in the day. Sun setting, it's time to make my way home. We grab a bottle of wine for a nightcap and a Barstool Black Label Revitalyte. (That may seem like an ad but it's not. I value hydration and that stuff delivers time and again.**)
Liquids in hand and liquids in stomach, the brief journey home begins. It's instantly derailed by the presence of a raucous crowd at a neighboring and historically insouciant pub. Like pavlov's dog I instinctively cross the street to investigate the pleasant sound of People Having A Good Time. However, upon further review, it had firmly crossed the threshold of Good Time into Too Loud & Crowded & Nowhere To Sit & Only One Bartender so we made a quick pivot and continued the brief walk home.
It was at this exact moment I found a fresh cartridge on the ground, wedged between the crevice of two 5'x5' sidewalk squares. A perfectly loaded, fully operational taste of the good stuff. Instantly I was confronted with a decision to make. Do I hit this? Do I leave it? Do I give it to my buddy who is too paranoid to go to the dispensary because he doesn't want to be tracked by Big Pharma? Plenty of options, but the main question was do I hit it?
Almost uniformly you guys said yes. It was one of the most lopsided things you guys have ever told me on twitter. If only we could recreate that type of unity in literally any kind of meaningful capacity. For now I just know you guys thought I was stupid for even asking.
Seriously, fresh resin bro? Are you mental?
Yes.
And it seemed too good to be true. There had to be a catch.
Did you hear Carl got hand foot mouth?
I'm just not living that bad boy life anymore which is admittedly sad. Drugs and money share a similar sentiment. Money won will always feel better than money earned. And free drugs will always hit better than not free drugs. Which is why I made a compromise that hopefully somebody else was able to enjoy.
Shoutout to whoever got high on the CTA last night. Hopefully you passed it around the bus and shared the love. Sometimes that's all it takes to turn a shitty day, like when your favorite baseball team gets fucking SMOKED by 15.
We'll talk about it next week on Starting9. Check out the new show here if you haven't yet.
