Emmanuel Acho's CFB Saturday Rules Are Proof Dudes Rock
College football Saturdays are officially back and if you need absolutely anything from Emmanuel Acho, you better make sure that is taken care of by Friday afternoon.
Grandma is dying? Don't call Emmanuel, Iowa-South Dakota State is on. She's already dead? Don't you dare interrupt Georgia-Oregon for that shit. Like he said, what is he supposed to do about it now?
You had eight months worth of Saturdays to text him. That's over now.
Honestly though, how do you make a list that ridiculous and not even include what should be the one real rule, which is no fall Saturday weddings? I would have been forced to defend this list a little bit if Acho had put that no-brainer in there, but I guess a wedding is a more legitimate excuse to miss a college football Saturday than a death — something he made sure to mention twice, so you know not to bother him about it under any circumstances.
If you're confused about anything, refer back to Rule No. 1.