VIDEO: Joe Namath GUARANTEES Joe Burrow Will Deliver The Bengals A Super Bowl And Calls Him "The Truth" In An Epic NFL Films Tribute

Matt Fitzgerald9/10/2022 3:00 PM

Mike Stobe. Getty Images.

Since I wasn't yet a minuscule sentient blip on the space-time continuum a half-century ago, I was unaware NFL Films created a video paying homage to Joe Namath's famous, guaranteed Super Bowl III victory titled Joe and The Magic Bean…with "bean" being a football in this instance. Broadway Joe's ability to sling the rock was ahead of his time. This man badly injured his knee in college at Alabama before surgeries were nearly as sophisticated as they are now to ensure a player's return to full health. He threw for over 4,000 yards in 1967. That's nutty.

Anyway, the subject of a new, updated video that's sort of a remake/soft reboot of the Magic Beanverse is Joe Burrow. Cincinnati Bengals quarterback. Unproblematic Tiger King. Joey B. Joe Cool. Joe Brr. Joey Football. Did I miss anything?

Namath does Burrow's brief legacy justice with some serious bars (as in rhyming, like the most polished children's book you've ever read but cooler) and flat-out impressive voiceover chops. I have two favorite Namath quotes from the whole thing. Here, at around the 1:50 mark:

"When you see it you know that exceptional light,
Like the absolute difference between day and night.
Bold as I was in my defiant youth,
They say, 'Namath's the legend!'
Well, Burrow's the truth."

And a balls-on-the-table mic drop at the end:

"Now on Chapter 3, in the realm by the river,
They dream of the trophy he'll one day deliver.
Can Joe win it all? The world waits to see.
This Joe sure thinks so — consider that a guarantee."

Shakespeare is ascending to an even higher spiritual plane right now whilst pumping these words from the universe's eternal megaphone into the divine, benevolent tendrils of his consciousness.

"HARK!" Billy Shakes exclaims. "ALACK! Never did I hear or pen a prose so sweet by any other name!"

Uh-oh. William Shakespeare is coming clean from the great beyond about not writing all those masterworks himself via not-so-cryptic paraphrasing from that star-cross'd lovers story of his. Let's move on, quickly!!

Now I'm no mind-reader, but I can infer what many of you are thinking. Barstool Sports, this phenomenal company, was founded in Boston. I'm having auditory hallucinations of all you Celtics fans in your thick-ass accents screaming in my face, "YOU FUCKIN' SCUMBAG! PAUL PIERCE IS THE ONLY VERSION OF 'THE TRUTH' THERE WILL EVER BE!" I think Greenie is going to fall out of his chair when he sees this headline. If he ever sits down. Never met the guy nor have I ever seen raw footage of his real-life person but I imagine stillness is an issue for him.

So in advance, I say: Maybe like Joe Burrow and coooooool your pun-intended Jets, please. I am merely a messenger. Joe Namath said this. Take it up with him.

Joe Amon. Getty Images.

No but really you gotta admit Joe Burrow is The Truth and infinitely more likable than Paul Pierce could ever dream of being. Plenty of nicknames to go by already, though. We're good.

A signature Namath guarantee about Burrow lifting a Lombardi Trophy for Cincinnati and his home state of Ohio is pretty much all you need to hear as a Bengals fan. This isn't some homer. This isn't some hot-take, biased, hack of an analyst who says shit just to say shit. This is THE GUY. Who made THE Guarantee. Capital "G".

I'm not saying it'll be this year, directly after a heartbreaking loss to the Rams in the Big Game. But Joe Willie is simply playing the odds here. He realizes greatness when he sees it. That's why I've recently argued against the lazy "Bengals regression" narrative.

Burrow dragged a previously bad Bengals team to the Super Bowl in his second season coming off a shredded knee, behind maybe the worst conference championship-winning offensive line the NFL has ever seen. Led the NFL in completion percentage and yards per attempt while doing so. Now has four new starters — presumably all upgrades — to protect him and a rising defense that only got deeper on the front and back ends this offseason.

PS here's the OG Joe and The Magic Bean about Namath, and a little bonus clip of the man slinging that bean back in the day like you wouldn't believe. To use a nice little dual-meaning football term: Namath's release was audible.

Twitter @MattFitz_gerald/TikTok