Sydney Sweeney Run Me Over With Your Car Challenge

You guys remember struggling actress Sydney Sweeney, right?

Well I'm pleased to announce she's doing much better now. 

How much better, you ask?

Well it turns out she's a fembot from Austin Powers now and...

Karwai Tang. Getty Images.

Ian West - PA Images. Getty Images.

…and lordyyyyyy have mercy on my soul.

The fact we are technically the same species blows my mind. Like, I think about this a lot. They say we share 99% of the same DNA as monkeys or gorillas or whatever. If that's true, me and Sydney Sweeney must be in the 95% range. There is no logical way I'm closer to her than an orangutan at the zoo. 

May I present, Exhibit B:

It's just

So I'm glad Sydney is no longer poor and I would welcome her to get behind the wheel of her car and run me over, put it in reverse, run me over again, and then drive forward once more. It would be an honor.

And a privilege as well.