Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Would Rob A Convenience Store With The Pistol Controller From Duck Hunt?

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (WBTV/Gray News) – A man in North Carolina was arrested after being accused of using a pistol-shaped controller from the 1980s Nintendo game “Duck Hunt” to rob a business, according to the York County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies said 25-year-old David Joseph Dalesandro allegedly robbed a convenience store in the Charlotte area around 5:45 p.m. Tuesday.

Dalesandro allegedly showed the clerk the fake gun, which had been painted, and took $300 from the register.

Before we begin, let's get a couple things out in the open:

First of all, yes, this looks exactly like the type of person who would rob a convenience store with a 'controller' from Duck Hunt. If you told me to draw a picture of someone who would use a 'controller' from Duck Hunt to rob a convenience store without any other knowledge of the situation, I'd have to ask if you had any colored pencils, specifically a purple one for the hair.

And second of all, can we get our fucking facts straight? This isn't a controller like the news outlet is calling it; it's an NES Zapper. The clerk at the store was clearly either really young or really old, because anyone from the 80s and 90s recognizes that on sight. Laughing just like that fucking dog did whenever you didn't shoot any ducks.

And my final point on the topic is what in the world is ANYONE robbing a store for $300 for? If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, either get the balls and brains to rob a bank or get a fucking job. Deliver some Door Dash for an evening instead of buying spray paint to ruin your NES Zapper, trying to rob a store, and risk going to jail. Risk: Jail, Reward: $300 is not advisable by the Ohio's Tate School of Crime. However, what I would have advised was to just sell Duck Hunt and your NES Zapper on eBay because that shit's going for $50 a pop.