We Need A Wellness Check On 3x Stanley Cup Champion Phil Kessel, Whose Main Goal For Celebrating Was To Not Throw Up

Jordie6/14/2023 5:20 PM

Jeff Bottari. Getty Images.

Mario Lemieux only won 2 of them as a player. Alex Ovechkin's name is just one there once. Legends like Marcel Dionne and Paul Kariya and Adam Oates all saw their careers come to an end without hoisting the Cup over their head once.

Phil Kessel woke up this morning as a 3x Stanley Cup Champion. Well actually…scratch that. I have no idea if Phil the Thrill even went to bed last night, so who knows if he actually "woke up" this morning. While this might not be his first rodeo, it's certainly his first time winning the Cup in Vegas. The first time he won the Cup, the Penguins were in San Jose. I don't know much about San Jose, but I don't think it's much of a party town. The 2nd time he won the Cup, the boys were in Nashville. Definitely a city where you can get into a lot of fun. But nothing can compare to winning the Cup at home, especially when "home" is Vegas.

So what was Phil's main objective for last night's celebration? Just don't throw up.

The key word there is "try not to". Phil's not making any promises. The big fella is 35-years-old now. Anything more than 5 or 6 beers at least puts puking in play. And while this is his 3rd time getting a chance to celebrate a Stanley Cup Championship, he's surrounded by a bunch of guys who just won their first. Those fuckers are going nuts.

So all I'm asking for here is a quick update on Kessel. Just need to make sure he's doing alright. Get the man some Diet Coke, maybe a bacon egg and cheese, splash some water in his face and get him back out there. Obviously a few hot dogs wouldn't hurt either.