The Squish Party Was a Great Success

The squish was a great success. Don’t believe the fake news. The pictures/videos posted by my new bag bro Wonton Don were towards the end of the party, where the true soldiers rally to the club. At its peak, the squish had between 30-35 people with a 1.3:1 girl to guy ratio. The ratio could have been better, but for a first party in a new city I’ll take it. I was honestly surprised by how much damage was done by 30-40 people. We had 3 handles of Tito’s, 1 grey goose bottle, 2 bottles of tequila, whiskey, 50-60 seltzers and even a bottle of gin. All of it was polished. It was a fucking movie, and yes, sack was dumped. 

Best part of the whole party was me finding out Wonton Don wasn’t a behind the scenes guy at Barstool. Since I’ve been here I always thought he was a producer or something. Turns out he’s the fucking goat. The more we talked the more I realized how big of a legend is he. The dude lived in fucking China, and of course, met his wife there. Now that we’ve dump sack together there’s nothing that can tear us apart, we’re brothers 4L. I’m very excited to see what this leads to. As for Rudy, the guys a stud. He had more girls on his arm than flies on shit. The only thing that this party was missing was more co-workers. You don’t have a real relationship with your co-workers until you rage together. Which is why I’ve updated my co-worker power rankings.

I would like to add that I panicked and put Kate at 5 only because I couldn’t find KB’s twitter. Kate fucked me over. You can’t send out a tweet that if the Phillies win you would come to my party, and then they win and you don’t show up. Not only did you brake my heart Kate, but you broke the heart of every girl that was in that party. You had the chance to show these young women that you can still be fun while you're 8 months pregnant.

P.S

I’m a terrible shot taker. 

The squish will be back!