Apple+ Releases the Trailer for Their 10-Part Patriots Porn Docuseries, 'The Dynasty'

My first reaction to this trailer is, "Sign me up." Literally. Between this and Masters of the Air, Apple+ is making it impossible for me not to add yet another streaming service. You can't cover the most successful 20 years in modern professional sports AND the most successful campaign in the history of aerial warfare by just doing that thing where you get the free trial and put a reminder in your phone to cancel it before they start charging you. (The way I did for Tom Hanks' WWII naval drama Greyhound.) These series together will take the freeloading cheapskate right out of me. 

Second to that though, what's with the dreary tone of this? How do they propose to tell the tale of an unprecedented two decades of sustained excellence, and the greatest collaboration by and owner, coach and athlete in the history of sports by making it feel like The Banshees of Inisherin? The trailer for Elvis opened with the King's car getting swarmed by a mob of crazed, adoring females, followed by him on stage launching into "Trouble" and sending them all into a sexual frenzy. 

They didn't get you interested in the movie by showing Elvis dropping dead on the toilet.

The thing is, even if one chooses to focus disproportionately on how it all ended - and I can't imagine why anyone would - you have to concede that while things were supposedly going so horribly wrong between Brady and Belichick, they won Super Bowl LIII. It can't be ignored that that was one of the truly great collaborations they ever had together. On the road at Kansas City in the AFC championship game, Brady led three touchdown drives in the last half of the 4th quarter and overtime. And in the Super Bowl, Belichick's defense held the then 11th most prolific offense in NFL history to 3 points and zero red zone trips. To make another music metaphor, if they were at each other's throats, then they were The Beatles and that season was their Abbey Road. 

So hopefully this behind the scenes drama and palace intrigue won't be more than a subplot in the final episode. Because it should never be lost on anyone what a momentous accomplishment this eponymous Dynasty was. It deserves to be treated like the epic it was. This was a triumphant, sprawling saga. With three major protagonists, and a host of secondary and tertiary characters. Heroes banding together on a sacred quest. Pursued by enemies. Plotted against by powerful villains hellbent on destroying them. With elements of tragedy, betrayal, romance, loss, despair, comedy, hope and overcoming impossible odds that have been crucial parts of all the great stories ever told, from The Epic of Gilgamesh to The Iliad and the Odyssey to Lord of the Rings to 50 Shades of Grey.  And the tale of the Patriots Dynasty is bigger and better than them all. And should be done justice. 

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So we'll see. Even the greatest story ever told can be garbage in the wrong hands. And if it were up to me, I'd have used the best telling of the Pats Dynasty ever committed to print as the source material (recommended for everyone on your Christmas list, whether or not they're Patriots fans, cha-CHING!). But even if they somehow manage to screw this up, I intend to be there for every minute of it. It has to be better than watching the 2023 season.

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