'I'd Rather Throw Up': Charlie Weis Tears Tony Romo a New Butthole That May Never Heal

I have to confess, I have zero recall of Tony Romo yammering on with this endless, pointless word salad after the Chiefs scored the game winner Sunday night. I assume I was reacting in the moment. Talking. Explaining to my somewhat disinterested Irish Rose what happened and trying to put into some sort of context that might matter to her. Though I won't rule out I might have been blackout drunk by that point. Or at least greyout drunk. 

Regardless, I wasn't paying attention to Romo. But sweet mother of Howard Cosell, did he do everything in his power to ruin the moment. I mean, if ever there was a play that didn't need to be described, explained, or analyzed, this was it. Kansas City completed a 3-yard pass to a guy who was open. Boom. Your eyes told you the whole story. The subject's been covered. End of discussion. 

And once Jim Nantz put the exclamation point on it with "JACKPOT!", 999 analysts out of 1,000 would've let the pictures do the talking. Or at most, added an "UN-believable!" like Ken Dryden at Lake Placid:

But Romo had to get into it. Even padding his commentary the obligatory "We talked about" like a kid trying to stretch out an oral report about a book he never read. Holy smokes, fella. Read the stadium.

Which I bring up because Charlie Weis not only brought it to my attention, he took a flamethrower to Romo over it in a way Tony might not recover from:

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Source - “They really turn me off, I have to tell you,” claimed Weis. “They do. They turn me off. I mean, I listened to the end of the game, and I listened to Tony Romo ruin the moment. Just shut up and let us savor the moment. Just be quiet. Nantz had already said, ‘Jackpot.’ He already said it; that should’ve been the end of the conversing. I don’t need to hear your analysis of what just happened — I just watched it. I want to watch the moment. I want to enjoy the moment as a sports fan.” …

“OK, would you please, please, just let us enjoy the moment? …” contiuned Weis. “We’re watching it. Let us watch it.”

“There are announcers that I really enjoy listening to. But then there are announcers where I have to listen to them, and I’d rather go to the bathroom and throw up."

First of all, I love Weis. How can you not? He's 67 years old. Obese. Possibly morbidly so. Once had his Last Rites read to him after high risk stomach-stapling surgery went wrong. And when the offer came to have the Archbishop of Boston come perform the Rites, Mrs. Weis reportedly refused because he protected pedophiles in his Archdiocese and insisted on a real priest. Plus for all we know, he's probably still on the payroll at Florida and Kansas from his short coaching gigs there. 

In short, at his age he has an unlimited supply of fucks not to give. So he says what anyone who was paying attention was thinking at the time. Especially Nantz. 

Which brings me to the broader point. CBS has a problem on their hands. Romo is still their No. 1 guy and will probably continue to be. But like when you've been dating someone too long, the quirks and eccentricities that were endearing at first, after a while become the thing you hate most about them. And it's becoming increasingly popular to hate on Romo. 

There's a great term I heard a while ago for when something goes from being the thing you love to the thing you love to hate: "Brand Cancer." Tony Romo might not have a full blown case of it yet. But definitely time for him to get tested by the Brand Oncologist to see if he can take some preventative treatments. 

We know this for certain. His fate is very much in Nantz's hands. If Jim doesn't want you in his booth any more, you are gone for good. Let us never forget how fast he cut Phil Simms off at the knees over one fart:

Fortunately for all of us, help is one the way for next year's Super Bowl. We'll have someone better doing the game:

Weis is in luck next season, though, because Fox has coverage of Super Bowl LIX. There, the former New England Patriots offensive coordinator will get to listen to Tom Brady, alongside Kevin Burkhardt, on the call.

Brady's broadcasting career can't debut soon enough. And he can talk all he wants.