A Man Tried To Smuggle Three Snakes Over The Canadian Border And I Have So Many Questions

Juergen Kosten. Shutterstock Images.

Albany AP News  — A New York City man has been charged with smuggling three Burmese pythons in his pants at a U.S-Canadian border crossing.

Calvin Bautista, 36, is accused of bringing the hidden snakes on a bus that crossed into northern New York on July 15, 2018. Importation of Burmese pythons is regulated by an international treaty and by federal regulations listing them as “injurious to human beings.”

Bautista, of Queens, was arraigned Tuesday in Albany on the federal smuggling charge and released pending trial, according to a news release from the office of U.S. Attorney Carla B. Freedman.

The charge carries the potential for a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison and a fine as high as $250,000, according to federal prosecutors.

The Burmese python, one of the world’s largest snakes, is considered a vulnerable species in its native Asia and is invasive in Florida, where it threatens native animals.

I guess we have an answer to the old " is that a snake in your pants, or are you excited to see me? " question. What a world. Not 1. … not 2 … but 3 Burmese python's in a man's pants. I'm so confused by this story, this motive, and how this all went down I figured it's better to break them all down in order of the most pressing so here we go. 

1- Was he worried about them biting his balls? 

Most guys won't wear pants they know are too tight in the groin area just to avoid discomfort and this guy is shoving reptiles down his corduroys? I know it's non-venomous but it has teeth, in fact it's teeth are so sharp it clenches on then wraps it's body around an animal and constricts it to death. Is that something you want to have walking through upstate New York before the border? I didn't think so. I don't need snakes anywhere near me, let alone giving these bad boys prime access to your cock and balls. At no point he worried about this? This was the biggest question I had coming out of this, how anyone could put snakes near their balls. 

2- Why 3 snakes? 

Isn't 1 enough? Isn't 2 just an excessive amount of snakes? 3? Why 3? Did you have 1 and then see 2 more? Do you like things in threes? Did he wear baggy pants and just try his luck? Bizarre 

3- What was his plan once he got into the border? 

Is he an animal activist? Did he really just want a pet? What was his plan once he got to Canada? Are these snakes worth money? Did he have a guy he knew would trade him 4 gorillas and that was the payoff? I just don't get the end game here, like none of it. I'm baffled by the motivation here. I need to know why risking your life both by getting bit and strangled to death or getting arrested, for 3 snakes is worth it. Need answers man. 

Final note: People are crazy…