The Great MLB Uniform Disaster of 2024 Gets More Insane With Every Passing Hour As We Now Have Players' Dick And Balls Visible From Their See Through Pants

Mary DeCicco. Getty Images.

Just when it seemed impossible for the MLB uniform disaster to get worse, it did. I suppose if you root for chaos and men in see through pants then this new development just made it all better. All of a sudden my fiancee has a strong interest in baseball. Funny how that works. Makes you think if this was the plan all along, but Manfred isn’t that smart. 

We're truly living out a simulation that only George Costanza could have his hand in. 

As I detailed in my last blog, the new Nike-Fanatics baseball uniforms are all over the place. It's one of, if not the worst uniform rollouts we've ever seen in pro sports history. Clothes don't fit, the material feels cheap, numbers are misaligned, the letter spacing is off, and maybe worst of all, the pants are fucking SEE THROUGH!

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Well on Thursday the cause for concern multiplied by about 10. As I scrolled my Twitter timeline I expected to see some baseball news and updates. Hey there was even a spring training game so maybe I come across a few highlights to fuel the soul. 

Instead I saw cock and balls. 

And no, this wasn't a Whitlock situation with my algorithm. 

I simply stumbled upon Casey Schmitt's San Francisco Giants picture day photo and was left speechless. NSFW below. 

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Insane that the photographer didn't help him out there and give a heads up. Nope just took that and allowed it to be posted. Balls out for the boys. Wild. 

I've got a question, did anyone suggest the crazy idea to try these on before they shipped em' out to every team? Seems impossible that occurred in any fashion. Manfred tried to tell us that players wore these last All Star Game as a test run, but that had to be one of his biggest lies ever told. Not one human being could wear those and think everything was a-okay. 

Then came the Padres before their game against the Dodgers on Thursday. There are no words. Warning, another NSFW image to follow. 

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Seems Xander is trying to get an extra leg up on the competition this year. I'm sorry that was terrible. 

I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't even know if we can post that kind of picture on here. I may have to edit these two pics and hyperlink after the fact. Just posting some dick and balls on the blog. Happy Friday to Joey and Pat. 

The Athletic responded with a whole detailed article attempting to make heads or tails of this fuck up. I'm gonna throw some snippets in here, but if you're a member over there it's worth the full read. 

Essentially Nike and Fanatics planned to roll out a more performance based material that was lighter and thinner. My question there would be why are trying to change the baseball uniform? Who cares if it's lighter or thinner? No one was complaining about the old uniform. Just run those specs back and call it a day. It's a jersey and pants, why are you trying to enhance these like it's an Ironman suit? 

These changes forced the letters and numbers to become smaller on the jersey. It seems the corresponding issue with the pants meant you'd be able to see players' dong and balls. They viewed that as a calculated risk it seems. Maybe bring in a whole new audience while you're at it. Inject some life into the ol' game. 

Here's what MLBPA head Tony Clark had to say to address the concerns. 

The pant is of greater concern to most players, Clark said. “But I’m not sure what the fix may be or how quickly we’ll be able to get to it.”

Now as I just said, Tony Clark is the head of the MLBPA. He's not an expert in clothing design and what's required to make pants not show a fella's balls in broad daylight. Not sure they prep you to handle a disaster like this when you take that gig. Labor strike? Sure thing. Widespread steroid use? There's a playbook for that. Brand new uniforms exposing male genitalia? Panic. Just panic. 

Another fun wrinkle to this is there appears to be a pants shortage going on, on top of all this. WE'VE GOT A PANTS SHORTAGE!!!

 Some teams are reusing pants from previous seasons — made by Nike or Major League Baseball’s previous uniform supplier, Majestic — because they don’t have enough new Nike pants for all players and uniformed personnel. The Reds have told players to plan to wear their old pants for the rest of spring training.

A National League star has so far refused to wear the new pants. An American League star had a Goldilocks experience in his fitting: too tight in one spot, too loose in another spot, just right in a third spot. A coach tried on the new Nike uniform on the first day of workouts, then went home afterward and found an old pair he’s worn since. A player who wears stirrups bemoaned the fact he could choose his pants cut high or low but nothing in between. One club on Wednesday received just one set of the new Nike pants — the set, coincidentally, that they needed to wear for official photo day.

On one hand it's probably a good thing there's a shortage of these new Nike see through pants. Probably best to burn those pants altogether along with anyone who had say in the matter. On the other hand you need baseball pants to play baseball. Do they not just keep the old pants from previous seasons? We just threw all those out? Someone has to have the old pants. 

The Reds have the old pants. Not sure what they knew, if they planned this whole thing to conspire against the league, or what, but they've got the old pants. 

The Reds had a stockpile of old pants on hand in case there were hiccups with the uniform. They also wear red tops during spring training, so, in their case, wearing old pants won’t clash with the new tops (which are slightly off-white). No one is sure what will happen by Opening Day, but the Reds at least have a workaround for a month.

Another interesting tidbit we learned from the Athletic article is how players are being denied certain customization requests that were normal to ask for in the past. You now have three pant options to choose from and that's it. 

In past years, players were fitted early in spring training and could request all sorts of customization, and they’d receive the final, tailored product a few weeks before Opening Day. Now, according to multiple players who’ve recently been fitted, requests to take the fabric in an inch on the thigh or the bicep are rejected. Instead, players are sorted by four body types, based on body-scanning of 300-plus players Nike and Fanatics conducted last spring, and given three options — a slimmer, regular and baggier fit — with five different pant openings. Nike will adjust sleeve and pant length but not tailor specific areas.

We'll end the blog with maybe my favorite Manfred quote ever, and keep in mind this is the same guy who called the World Series trophy a piece of metal. 

“I think after people wear them for a little bit, they’re going to be really popular,” he said.

Nailed it. Just wait until it rains a little Rob. Gonna be like a wet t-shirt contest that you'll want out of your nightmares for the rest of your life. We've got less than a month until Opening Day in Seoul and not only do we have knock-off looking jerseys, not only do we have a pants shortage, but we've got see through pants that are showing the players' private parts. Only baseball.