Top 10 Tuesday: People You'd Like To Have A Beer With

First of all, how about that for some clickbait on the thumbnail? Everyone's beloved head ball coach, Urban Meyer. Talk about someone that would've certainly advanced this weekend if he were a team in the all-chalk NCAA Tournament: public favorites! Kidding, kidding. The fact of the matter is that when I made my list this week, I chose people that I want to sit down and have a one-on-one beer with at the bar. And when it came down to making the decisions, I found myself not really choosing athletes I adored growing up like Michael Jordan, or even Ohio State athletes like Troy Smith, Eddie George, or Archie Griffin…..what I ended up going with is who would give me the most interesting conversations. For obvious reasons, I left out people that would get me cancelled like Dahmer, the H Man, and Sean McDermott's number one choice, Bin Laden. Didn't even crack a joke like getting a High Noon with Bosco, but wouldn't conversations with crazy people be more interesting than getting a beverage with Tiger Woods? Maybe he wasn't the right example….

Anyways, welcome back  to Top 10 at 10 Tuesday, in which we announce a topic and then make our own lists. Please refer to the header of this blog if you have any critiques. This is MY LIST, and you're more than welcome to have your own for this week's topic of……

10. Mike Leach

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I didn't grow up in the Bobby Knight era, so Mike Leach will always be my go-to as the most colorful and entertaining coach of my generation. I knew I wanted a coach somewhere on this list, and I had it down to John Wooden, Phil Jackson, Belichick, and Nick Saban. Sorry, while Ohio teams always come first, I'm enamored with great coaches. But the deciding factor for me was that while those four may teach me more about the game than others, no one would teach me more about life / make me laugh more than Mike Leach. We're not getting coffee, we're getting a beer. And from detailing who would win in a Pac 12 mascot Battle Royale to discussing his hatred of candy corn, Mike Leach was always good for a hilarious interview quote…..and he made you think, too. And what really intrigues me is he did all of that on camera. I would love to know what this guy was like off the record, belly up at the bar with a cold beer.

RIP. 

9. John Daly

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This beer would have to be on the golf course, which in another set of rankings for another time, I'll describe as one of my Top 10 favorite beers: drinking on the course with friends. And John Daly would certainly oblige the request. I mean, the guy said he's never technically drank on Tour, but he's also had mornings where he hasn't really sobered up until the 13th hole. If I could create an ultimate foursome, it would include Sydney Sweeney, Kim K, and maybe a little Beyonce. But if I were to create the ultimate golf foursome, it would be me, John Daly, Michael Jordan, and a keg of beer. How much do you think that opportunity would go for in an auction? Ten million? Twenty?

8. Albert Einstein

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Maybe this will come across as dumb, but I've always wondered how smart the smartest people in history really were? Like, if we tossed Sir Issac Newton into an AP Calculus class with a group of kids from today's generation, is he running circles around those nerds or is he cheating off his neighbor? Einstein is credited for developing the theory of relativity, explained the photoelectric effect, explored Brownian motion, and revolutionized our understanding of space, time, and gravity…..but he was also born in 1879. Buddy lived 70+ years on this planet and couldn't even figure out how to get the iPhone to automatically input the dual factor text code that banks send you to log into your account? I need to sit down and have a beverage with this guy to gauge how smart he really was.

7. Charles Barkley And Shaq

Barry Gossage. Getty Images.

Alright, I used my one free pass to include a third member on this one, because I don't know how you could pick one but not the other. In fact, can I just get a drink with the entire cast of NBA on TNT? The dynamic between keeping Chuck and Shaq on opposite ends of the teeter totter, with Kenny chiming in, all being babysat by Ernie makes it the funniest show on television. I'd go NBA on TNT at one, The Office at two, and Curb three. But the point here is that, once again, Chuck and Shaq tell ridiculous stories and make me laugh out loud….on cable television. I'd love to sit down, no cameras, and drink what would likely be in the double digits beers with these boys. And then Ernie can take us all home. 

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6. George Washington

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The first President of the greatest country in the nation AND surrendered his power for the longterm greater good when everyone would have supported a lifetime role? Yeah, I'd like to give that man a beer. And with this one, I'm not sure if I want to travel to his home turf, or if I want him coming to mine. Part of me would LOVE to know what 1776 looks like, when the population of the entire country was only 2.5 million (1% of today). Was the entire country on the same page, fighting for their freedom? That would be cool to experience, but the other part of me wants George Washington to travel to 2024, tilt back a Sam Adams, and see what he built. Actually, let's have him come to like 1996. He'd love that. I'm not sure he'd like what he sees today…

5. Donald Trump

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To quote the great Coach Herman Boone: Listen up, I don't care if you're black, green, blue, white, or orange….if you don't think sitting down one-on-one and having a beer with Donald Trump would be interesting, then you are a loser. And if the exercise would allow me, I'd say "Table for 3, please!" and invite Joe Biden as well. Especially since those two pussies don't even drink alcohol, so while these two say too many dumb things sober, could you imagine what would be discussed across the table after a few adult beverages? I don't care about political views, although I think if you lean too far to either side you're a psychopath, but the fact of the matter is this Trump fellow single-handedly bullied his way into become the President of the United States and I'd like to know if he's as big of an asshole as he portrays to be. Like, does he know what he's doing, or is that just him? You can only learn so much from a guy whose entire life has been documented for the last 20+ years, but you can learn a whole lot from sitting down and drinking a Coors with him.

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4. Jesus Christ

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How could he not be on your list? And I know I said non-fictional characters only, so I'm sure some people are going to try to get me on that technicality, but even if you don't believe the guy is the Lord and Savior that came back from the dead once and will do so again at some point…..wouldn't you still like to have a beer with him? And I'd imagine the dude liked to tip them back, as well. I mean, he literally had the ultimate fraternity party trick: turning water into wine. There's no doubt in my mind that when the media wasn't hot on his tail gathering information for the biography they were writing about him, this dude was a partier. And I think if I got him drunk enough, maybe I could get him to admit that he's just fucking with everyone about the whole Son Of God thing.

3. Insert Family Member Here (I'll Take My Grandpa)

Everyone’s got that family member that they hear all these incredible stories about, but they were simply too young to know the guy that everyone rants and raves over. Or maybe you were exactly the right age to know that family member and you just miss them? Well mine would be my Grandpa, the guy who taught me how to drive at the age of 14, always having a can of Pepsi in his cup holder. And it wasn’t until much later did I learn that the man wasn't just a Pepsi lover….he made sure to throw some Jack Daniels in there, too. In fact, turns out he didn't really like Pepsi that much at all. Either way, I got to know him until I was 16 years old, and because I was a straight laced boy that didn't participate in the activity of consuming alcohol until the illegal age of 18, I never had more than Christmas cookies and milk with the guy. He's actually probably #1 on this list, but I feel like the purpose of the exercise is to choose people that everyone knows, not just my family.

2. Urban Meyer

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And here’s where I’m going to lose any of the credibility that I may have built up with the first 8 selections on this list, and perhaps any respect I’ve gained over the last 6 years. But guess what….the is my list, and the person I’d 2nd most like to have a beer with, dead or alive, on this entire planet is the coach who single-handedly turned around my entire collegiate years. I came in as a spry freshman, posted a 6-7 season with interim coach Luke Fickell, lost to Michigan, and lost the Bowl Game…..only to finish my next three years 3-0 in The Game, went undefeated in 2012, and were crowned NATIONAL CHAMPIONS my senior season. I don’t just want to drink a beer with Urban Meyer, I want to buy him one.

Do I think he fucked up with the Jaguars? Yeah, he tried to come in and be the asshole college coach he is to a bunch of grown men, and he ended up getting fired, but not before he lost 11 of 13 games and compromised his relationship with his wife by getting grinded on by a blonde girl no less than 30 years younger than him. So no, I wouldn’t come have him speak at the ethics convention, but I’d absolutely love to tip one back with the guy.

1. Al Capone

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Is there a better option out there than drinking booze during a time period where drinking booze was illegal, with the guy who was providing that illegal booze to the country and making $100 million a year off of it? And everyone knew it, and they still couldn't put him away for it?

One thing about me that you may not know yet is that I am enamored with the mafia. Movies, books, documentaries, and just basic wikipedia reading about all things mafia would be listed in my hobbies, if we ever do a Get To Know You activity here at Barstool. And to come clean to you all, the real reason I chose Chicago over New York is not because Big Cat and the boys are here….it's because Al Capone did the same thing back in 1919. I just think the guy is so interesting, growing up in a street gang as a child, getting the nickname Scarface, bringing in over $100 million a year back in the 1920s, spending time at Alcatraz, and never getting pined for murder but going away for tax evasion. I mean, the man was literally the first ever "Public Enemy #1". I'd love to sit down in the back room of some speakeasy in Chicago and throw back some of the precious, illegal booze that Capone  was bootlegging.

Honorable Mentions: Peyton Manning, Babe Ruth, Larry Bird, and Pete Rose

Alright, that's my list. Go ahead and tear away, but you will not change my mind. That's my Top 10….feel free to reply with who you'd put in yours.