I've Found a Way To Make Baseball Watchable

Rob Carr. Getty Images.

Here we are, folks. It's officially that time of year when we all turn to the most boring sport in the world to carry us through the dog days of summer. Sure, we still have the NBA and March Madness for now, but even those products are mediocre at best. All my life, I've heard that baseball is America's pastime. Fast forward 24 years, and I still have no idea what that means, so I decided to look it up.

The time that has elapsed? Someone CC Francis in here because I have no idea what the fuck that is supposed to mean. 

So, essentially, anything we do on a day-to-day basis could be considered a pastime? How does playing with your dog qualify as a pastime? After all, you can only play with your dog if it's alive, so how could it be considered a pastime? Is there such a thing as a "now-time" or a "future time"? I don't know, but I'm convinced they made up the word in 1917 just to make baseball sound cool. I'd rather crank my stick with glass infused sand paper than watch a baseball game on TV. However, I've created a system to help us all get through the dog days of baseball.

1. Go to The Games

Baseball on TV is what people who've never met me like to call unbearable. It's slow, they barely score, and the car commercials are never-ending. However, actually going to a baseball game is one of my favorite things to do. Baseball is a shitty product, but man, does it have aura. Walking into the ball park on a beautiful summer day with your boys is second to none. You know you don't give a fuck about the result of the game, you're just going to do damage. Nothing says, "fire me the fuck up" quite like that first $18 tall boy at a baseball game. Sure, the food sucks, but if you think I'm attending a baseball game with out putting a glizzy in my mouth (no diddy) you got me fucked up. Not to mention, the peanuts, my God, the fucking peanuts, I can't get enough of them. Some people might think this is weird, but I love throwing the whole nut in my mouth and sucking the salt of the shell (no diddy). It's a great compliment to your favorite light beer. So, if you're like me and can't stand watching baseball on TV, just go to the game.

2. Put it on a 2nd TV

Shutterstock Images.

Holy fuck what do I have to search in the HQ to find a fucking picture of two TV's? Anyway, if you are finically capable of owning two TV's, baseball is the perfect sport of you. Kick back, relax, throw on something you actually want to watch, and just throw baseball on the second TV. An ad pops up that you don't want to watch? Take a peak at that second TV. Your annoying ass girl friend won't shut up about you like another girls instagram picture? Take a peak at that second TV and just say "I'm sorry."

3. Bet on it

Hey man, just because I don't enjoy the sport doesn't mean I won't bet on it. As I've said before, watching baseball solely for the purpose of watching baseball is lame. However, throwing a responsible amount of coin on the game makes it so much better. The walk-off winner to cash your ticket is arguably a top 5 feeling in the sports gambling world. You want a reason to care about the Tuesday 1:00PM game between two teams 20 games under 500? Throw a responsible amount of coin on it, and you'll be glued to the TV like Sydney Sweeney tits were on it.