Ozempic's Potentially Deadly Side Effects: Are They Worth The Risk?

John Rich5/03/2024 8:10 PM

Mario Tama. Getty Images.

Daily Mail - They're the game-changing weight loss jabs meant to usher in a new era in the war on obesity.
But despite their undeniable slimming effects, injections of semaglutide – branded as Ozempic and Wegovy – have been linked to a catalogue of side effects.
These range from the simply embarrassing, such as flatulence, to cases of suicidal thoughts among patients taking the jabs, which trick the body into feeling full and slowing digestion.

Over the course of the past year or so, the drug Ozempic has become a household name. On the off chance you're unfamiliar, Ozempic is the most popular brand of weight-loss drug 'semaglutide'. More than 9 million people, including celebrities the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Elon Musk have opted to self-inject this miracle weight-loss drug into their squishy upper thighs in pursuit of a less grotesque figure.

The results speak for themselves. Consider the success story of Barstool Sports' own Dana "Beers" Bahrawy. Dana was down on his luck. Too ashamed to look himself in the mirror. He hadn't seen his own penis in years. But thanks to Ozempic, Dana transformed himself from a man far too obese to skydive, to a man on the verge of being able to skydive.

Unfortunately, things that seem too good to be true generally are. As you might have guessed, Ozempic is no-exception. The drug has boosted people's confidence. It's transformed men, women, and combinations of both from soft 5's to hard 6's. It's undoubtedly made all of our lives more pleasant by diminishing the number of off-putting humans we're subjected to on a daily basis. However, now that it's been on the market for a few years, we're now realizing some disturbing side effects.

But what are these supposed side effects? Are they really that bad? Can they be worse than having to lug 400 pounds of your own weight around with you everywhere you go? It's hard to say. Ozempic users have realized at least 19 different "negative" side effects that in certain cases come with their weight loss.

In the end, it's up to the user. What's most important? Being an overall more palatable person to be around, or risking one of these potentially life-threatening issues that may arise as a result of taking a shortcut to drop some quick LBS. Let's go through the side effects one-by-one and see what side effects Ozempic users are facing.

Digestive Issues (Flatulence, diarrhea, vomiting, constipation)

I've never had the pleasure of being obese myself, but I have a strong feeling "digestive issues" in general are a side effect of obesity in its own right. Not necessarily the vomiting and constipation. Neither of which seem that bad. Vomiting sounds more like a weight-loss solution than a problem. As a former opiate user, I can attest that you'll learn to live with constipation. I will concede that constipation is likely less tolerable when not accompanied by the relief of heavy narcotics. But constipation is not a dealbreaker. Sign me up for digestive issues any day if it's going to make be a hotter person.

Fatigue, headaches, dizziness

I've been fatigued since I hit puberty. There's nothing special about fatigue. Headaches and dizziness would be tougher to deal with, but I'd imagine there are other medications to combat those side effects. Come to think of it, that may be the key to Ozempic use. Pile as many different medications on top of it as possible. Fight side effects of medication with more medication. If those medications also have side effects, find more medication to combat those. Eventually you'll land on the perfect cocktail of 30-40 drugs that will have you feeling in tip top shape 24/7/365.

Gallstones

I'm just now learning what gallstones are, but according to the article, "They don't normally cause any symptoms."

Good enough for me. Whenever I'm Googling symptoms, as soon as I see a single article (or Reddit post) that implies something is "probably fine", it puts my mind perfectly at ease.

Ketoacidosis

"Life-threatening complications" and "catastrophic heart problems" are both phrases I read while skimming the paragraph on Ketoacidosis. A little bit scary. But I also read that if you're not already diabetic, you're "probably fine". Just don't be diabetic. Simple as that.

Kidney Damage

You only need one kidney. Nothing to worry about if you're a two-kidneyed individual.

Pancreatitis

I did not enjoy learning about pancreatitis. Moving forward, every time I feel an ounce of pain in my upper left abdomen, I will be convinced I have it. But, I've also never experienced being fat, so I'm not in a position to tell you which one is worse. Regardless, pancreatitis is treatable. It could be as simple as having a surgeon rip your gallbladder out of your stomach. Gallbladder removal typically leads to a bit of weight loss as well. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Gastroparesis

The most troubling side effect I've read about yet. Gastroparesis means your stomach is paralyzed. On top of that, your teeth may fall out. It may lead to death. Rarely does gastroparesis go away. There is no cure. I do not have a spin zone in my arsenal for gastroparesis. Ozempic users will have to roll the dice with this one.

Muscle Loss

Heroin sheik is in. With enough muscle loss you'll likely end up with a successful modeling career.

Peter White. Getty Images.

Bad Breath, burps, metallic taste in mouth

Nothing that gum can't fix. If you can burp really loud, you might end up being invited on The Yak for Burp Day (I don't think that's happened yet but it's only a matter of time.

Hair Loss

For men, it all comes down to the shape of your head. If you start losing hair, and you have no unsightly lumps or moles on your head, just shave it all off. Nothing wrong with being fit and bald (The Rock, Bruce Willis, Billy Zane), but nobody cares how long and luxurious your dreadlocks are if you're shaped Brendan Fraser in The Whale.

Bald women have it even easier. I almost envy them. Wig technology nowadays is next level. And unlike with men, there's not stigma around women who wear them. Every morning, bald women have the option of choosing from multiple, drastically different hairstyles. On Monday they'll have flowing blonde hair, the next day they could be Marge Simpson. The options are endless.

Sexual Dysfunction

Classic Catch-22. Before Ozempic, due to your size, your confidence is far too low to bag a fit bird. After Ozempic, when all the women in the world are throwing their pussies at you, you're not even interested. Might as well take your chances and hope that you don't come down with a nasty case of Ozempic Dick.

Alcohol, Food, Coffee Avoidance

I'm unsure why this is a bad thing. It's not that Ozempic users can't have alcohol, food, or coffee. They simply don't crave it. Isn't "not craving food" the entire point of Ozempic? And if your mind & body doesn't want alcohol, then you're not going to miss it. If you do miss it, then you'll drink. This is a great problem to have.

Fertility Boost

Fertility boost coupled with sexual dysfunction is an unsettling combination. Say you go weeks without a lick of libido. But one fateful evening, a random woman at the bar (where you're probably not drinking) sweeps you off your feet. Suddenly you're in the mood. You bring her back to your place. You use a condom and everything. But the tiniest drop of you're fertility boosted super-sperm happens to leak out… then BOOM. Instant pregnancy. The one time you're in the mood you wind up catching a kid. Ozempic really ramps up the pressure when it comes to having sex.

Aspiration Pneumonia

I'm a bit confused about this one. But it's a side-effect of Ozempic, and apparently it "increases your chances of choking to death" following an endoscopy. It also occurs when anything other than air is inhaled into you lungs.

Regardless of that, consider former Ozempic user (lasted 9 day on the drug) Stu Feiner. Is Stu more likely to choke as a result of Ozempic-induced aspiration pneumonia? Or is he more likely to choke when he's off Ozempic and shoveling 5 Borrelli's entrees down his gullet in the span of 90 minutes?

Ozempic Face

Ozempic patients are known to have sunken cheeks, and extremely pronounced jaw lines. Once again I refer you to pictures of modern day male models.

Vivid Dreams

Certainly not a side effect worth steering you away from taking a weight-loss drug. I've always enjoyed dreaming. Even nightmares are cool in their own way. What a rush it is to face your own mortality, then instantly wake-up and realize that everything is perfectly fine. Dreams are like movies personalized to your life. The only thing that bothers me about dreams is that I can never remember them in detail. Perhaps if they were more vivid, I'd be better able to remember my wacky dream adventures.

Cancer

File this one away in the "bad side-effects" category. That being said, what on this earth doesn't "give you cancer" at this point?. California is literally banning Skittles. Skittles now cause cancer. If we start refusing all the pleasures in life that "may give you cancer", then we'd all be sitting quietly in our bedrooms eating salads for the rest of eternity.

Scratch that. Turns out salad causes cancer too.

Is your salad going to kill you?
#Facts matter | Plants need nitrates for good growth, but they can also accumulate in leaves of crops like rocket. So are foods like this safe to eat, wonders James Wong
EATING healthily can be tricky, especially for avid followers of the latest food- related headlines. Even fare touted as a superfood one day can be vilified as a cancer risk the next. Perhaps nowhere is this more the case than in recent claims about rocket, a salad leaf.
It is “at the centre of cancer concerns”, said one story, a strong accusation to level at a humble leaf. The claim hinges on high levels of nitrates that rocket contains. Is there any clear evidence to back it up? No, not when you dig a bit deeper into the complex findings… (NewScientist)

Suicidal Thoughts

Who among us doesn't sing the blues every now and then? I'm sorry, I don't want to make jokes about suicide. If you start having suicidal thoughts, maybe give Ozempic a rest.

Ozempic Breasts

Here we have a side-effect than any red-blooded gambling woman will be on board with. If you're in the market for more voluptuous (or less voluptuous) cans, then you might want to give Ozempic a spin. Take a gander at this.

Daily Mail - Semaglutide, similarly to 'Ozempic face', has also been blamed for making women's breasts smaller.
This isn't that unexpected. Typically as women lose weight fat tissue in breasts also diminishes reducing their overall size.
What is more surprising is some women are reporting their breasts growing larger while on the drug.

It could be cheaper than a boob job. It could also turn your B-cups to A-cups. That's the chance you take with Ozempic. No bet is a sure thing. But much like when you gamble on sports, Ozempic just makes things a little more interesting boob-wise. It's fun to have a little skin in the boob game.

Those are risks. In my humble opinion, for the most part, the side effects all seem manageable. Ozempic users are sticking their thin necks out there a bit, putting themselves at risk for at least a few diseases that "could lead to death". But that's the price you pay to be beautiful. If you're not interested in dieting or exercising the old fashioned way, and you choose to go the shooting-yourself-up-with-drugs route, you're putting your health in jeopardy. Do the risks outweigh the rewards? That's up to you. Personally, after watching Frank The Tank shed a small woman's worth of weight by simply walking around the city, I'd recommend trying that first. If you're able to get yourself a couple personal assistants to hold you accountable, and occasionally acquire celebrities to join you on your walks, that makes weight-loss even easier.

Edit: I've been told Frank is on Wegovy. Which is Ozempic's main competitor. I did not know that. Still, good walking Frank.

Either way, Ozempic is still an option in the United States. So is it's #1 semaglutide competitor Wegovy. So are all the knockoff Ozempic's you can purchase through Chinese Craigslist for $0.60 per shot. Overweight people have options beyond living healthy lifestyles nowadays. Do with that information what you will.