Are We Just Going To Pretend That Jason Day's Gym Shorts Are Acceptable Golf Attire For A Major?

Andrew Redington. Getty Images.

In the words of Shooter McGavin, "this is golf, people." But somehow, the tournament officials for the motherfucking PGA Championship have allowed Jason Anthony Day to waltz on to the manicured fairways of Valhalla Golf Club wearing an outfit you might see on a dude who lives in Santa Monica walking his springer spaniel to a bakery window for a croissant, hungover, on Sunday, chosen because it was already on the floor next to his bed. 

At what point do we say something? In the immortal words of that haunting Holocaust reflection that seems to get misappropriated for wildly trivial present-day cases… 

First he wore a cigarette carton at Augusta. And I did not speak out. Because I enjoy the nostalgia of AMC's Mad Men. 

Warren Little. Getty Images.

Then he wore a colonizer's "just checking in to see the post office is being built on schedule, don't mind me!" outfit. And I did not speak out. Because I'm having dinner in the big house with them on Saturday.  

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Then I decided to dress like him. And there was no one left to tell me dude… you'll embarrass yourself, the game of golf, and your family if you wear even one piece of clothing from his line. You're just not good enough at any aspect of the game to pull it off. 

As outrageous as JDay's outfits were at Augusta, it's this "digital lavender" ensemble he's put together for the PGA that has me finally speaking out. 

No belt. No belt loops. A pair of shorts that would allow a UFC fighter plenty of flexibility to deliver a chin-splintering head kick. Those are running shorts! You wear those shorts on a bicycle and all of your belongings will tumble out of the pockets!!! 

We have to draw the goddamn line somewhere, folks. Or soon, we'll have major championships where the final pairings will feature one dude dressed for Burning Man and the other in some crop-top graphic tank that says "GOLF IS FOR BOTTOMS" or something weirdly evocative and confounding. 

Is that a world you want for our children? For this glorious game? I think not.