The Police Report About Scottie Scheffler Ends By Saying "Detective Gillis' Pants, Valued At $80, Were Damaged Beyond Repair"
This can't be real. This is too much. We've already been blessed with one of the best internet stories in what seems to be years, but this police report has to be made up by one of those funny guys on the internet, right? Nope. After further review, it is 100% accurate. This is the actual police report filed this morning in regards to Scottie Scheffler trying to go to his golf tournament. We've already heard Jeff Darlington's side of the story, and now we have the Police's side of the story with this report. And let me be the first to say.....HAHAHAHAHAH. Where do I begin? I think the fact that this is all revolving around Detective Gillis is where I have to start:
Too perfect. And obviously I hope the guy is okay, but from what we know about the story from eye-witnesses, paired with how this police report reads, he sounds like a huge pussy, no? Dealing with pain and swelling. Thoughts and prayers, not just to his potentially sore arm, but also to his pants!
Detective Gillis’ uniform pants, valued at approximately $80 were damaged beyond repair
Best line in police report history? Reads like something The Onion would write, or a sarcastic tweet on the internet. BUt the fact that this line was included in a serious police report tells me that Detective Gillis is still NOT happy. No doubt everyone has been briefed on the miscommunication and who Scottie is, but included the valuation of the pants shows that Detective Gillis wants the book thrown at Scheffler. And he wants his pants reimbursed as well!
Darren Rovell has to buy these pants at an auction, right? I can just see that tweet 10 years from now, Rovell going over his prized possessions of MLK bus tickets, Abe Lincoln play tickets, and Officer Gillis speeding tickets written and his ripped pants. But unfortunately for the police department, I don't think including the pants line is going as well for the Police as they hoped it would. People are now questioning whether Officer Gillis pooped himself.
People begging for the body cam footage to be released, but they also need to show the aftershot of the pants. I need to see if these are dirty, have a hole in the knee, or if they were literally burnt to ashes like this police report reads.
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