Christian Pulisic is Making Soccer Great Again

There’s something truly magical about watching Christian Pulisic play. It’s like watching a bald eagle soar across a beautiful blue sky… or, more accurately, like watching a guy sprint around a soccer pitch while reminding the world that, yes, America can actually produce great soccer players. Seriously, Pulisic isn’t just the best U.S. player—we’re talking about one of the best players in the world. And no, I’m not high on patriotism or election campaign ads. This guy is a fucking dawg.

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: Americans aren’t exactly known for producing elite soccer talent. We’ve got football, baseball, basketball, and, uh, competitive hot dog eating—but soccer? Yeah, it’s been more of a back-burner sport here. In fact, I think the U.S. government should start forcing athletes under 5’10” to put the basketball down and pick up a soccer ball, so we can have dozens of Pulisics instead of just one. The man’s out there doing step-overs and dribbling circles around defenders who thought they were going to have an easy day. Imagine being born and raised in Europe, where all you know is soccer, and getting cooked by an American every time he steps on the pitch. It’s beautiful to see—it genuinely warms my heart. I’m just praying he keeps this form for the 2026 World Cup.

American players used to be the ones Europeans signed out of curiosity—like ordering a new Chick-fil-A sandwich instead of the usual spicy chicken sandwich with pepper jack cheese and no pickles. But Pulisic? There’s no need to change that order; he’s the real deal. He’s over there banging in goals and taking souls, making a solid case for himself as one of the top wingers in the world.

I think it’s pretty obvious that he’s the best player in America—in fact, he might be the greatest player we’ve ever produced. But beyond that, you could argue he’s a top 50 player in the world right now. And it’s not like he’s doing it in MLS; he’s doing it at AC Milan, one of the biggest clubs in the world. It’s not like Serie A is some slap-dick league either—what Christian Pulisic is doing right now is something we Americans have never seen before.

So, to the doubters out there: Wake up, people. Christian Pulisic isn’t just the best thing to happen to American soccer since, well, ever—he’s proving that we can hang with the best. Whether it’s in the Premier League or Serie A, Pulisic is putting American soccer on the map. And that, my friends, is worth standing up and saluting.

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