No Disney Character Has Ever Pulled More Ass Than Gordon Bombay
So quick little context here. I have a 9-month-old daughter at home, so I've been watching a ton of Disney+ lately. A lot of Bluey, Mikey Mouse Clubhouse, all the sing-a-long movies like Moana and Encanto. Every once in a while I opt to throw on something for myself, which is usually when I go to ol' reliable--the Mighty Ducks trilogy.
Now credit to Disney, they've put out a ton of elite characters throughout the years. Icons and legends galore. But during my most recent watch of D2: The Mighty Ducks, it really dawned on me just how much of a cocksman Gordon Bombay was. I mean this dude was wheeling around chicks left and right. They didn't call him the Minnesota Miracle Man for no reason.
First up, he starts railing the shit out of Charlie's mom in the original.
And credit to Mrs. Conway. She must have been an absolute demon in the sack. It's the only way to explain how Bombay could have named Charlie--the biggest spazz on the team--the captain. Charlie gets the 'C' on his sweater, and Mrs. Conway gets the C on her…well…you know where I was going with that.
After winning a PeeWee State Championship, Gordon Bombay gets a quick stint in the minors in D2. Now it's not like he's wheeling around 10's in the NHL or anything. I don't know what the talent was like in Minnehaha, but I'm sure it wasn't the greatest. Doesn't matter though, Bombay was still laying pipe like he was in the steamfitters union.
I don't even want to know what Bombay's gloves smelled like while he was playing for the Waves. Menace to society.
Then once Bombay got to the Junior Goodwill Games, he decided he was going to take down the baddest bitch there. Team Iceland's trainer.
You want to talk about rockets? Iceland's trainer was one of one. A certified Hall of Famer. Just an unreal pull for Bombay as he takes her out for ice cream, and then took her back to that house Hendrix Hockey rented for him and banged her brains out. You ever want to know why Gordon Bombay didn't continue coaching those little dipshit kids after the 2nd movie? It's because they gave him shit for hooking up with probably the biggest weapon in Disney history. Clearly they just didn't get it.
But if he was going to catch shit for sleeping with the enemy, then naturally he'd have to settle for something a little closer to home. If you don't think Gordon Bombay was hooking up with Michele MacKay, then you just don't know Bombay.
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You know they went home together after Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson hacked Bombay in the knee. She went over "just to help". Maybe get him a bag of ice for his knee, maybe help get him into bed, somehow she ended up in the bed with him, and the rest is history.
And sure, we don't see a ton out of Bombay in D3: The Mighty Ducks. At this point, he had taken a job with the Junior Goodwill Games as the Ducks were off to Eden Hall High. But how do you think the whole team was able to go to Eden Hall on scholarship? Bombay and that dick were working overtime, baby. Quack quack quack.