YouTube Streamer IShowSpeed WILL NOT Be Running at The 2028 Summer Olympics, Contrary To What is Being Reported

What can't this guy do? Run in the Olympics. That is something IShowSpeed cannot do. Unfortunately, with the way the Olympics are currently constructed, in order to participate in their coveted 100m dash event, you must be one of the 56 fastest human beings on the planet. Which IShowSpeed is not.

Sorry, I just saw some fake news being circulated online and felt responsible to issue a correction. I'm afraid IShowSpeed has Olympic Track & Field confused with boxing. Where if you have a big enough following and are annoying enough on the internet, the world will placate your delusions and just kinda blindly go along with the facade that is your "professional boxing career". Because in the end people just want to watch an unlikable Gen Z kid beat up a likable 58-year old rapist, then bemoan the downfall of a sport they never cared about in the first place. Somehow there is a BOAT LOAD of money in that. 

Now if IShowSpeed had done the boxing equivalent of "barely losing" to a jogging Noah Lyles in an event he only showed up for because it was a free $100k he could pass off to charity...

...then IShowSpeed would probably be awarded with a chance to fight Sylvester Stallone in full Rocky character at the Wells Fargo Center in a sanctioned fight for $50 million. As a matter of fact, a $10 million fight between IShowSpeed and Jake Paul appears to already be in the works.

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But that's aside the point. That's not what the Olympics are about. Although to be fair, 2028 is a long way away. Maybe things will have changed by then. Maybe by 2028 the Olympics will also be a complete fucking joke, and in order to qualify for any event you must prove that you're able to hold 'x' amount of concurrent viewers on Twitch over a certain amount of time. That's probably not out of the realm of possibility. But if that doesn't happen… I'm sorry Mr. ShowSpeed… I'm afraid you're not Team USA material. 

To be perfectly frank, I'm getting a little tired of this IShowSpeed guy. I understand I'm not helping things by blogging about him (again). But this motherfucker's big dumb face will not stop popping up on my timeline telling me how fast he is.

We get it dude. You're a fast and athletic guy. Faster and more athletic than most. Every time a professional athlete takes you up on a challenge, their takeaway is always, "Oh wow! This YouTube streamer is better than I had originally anticipated! I'm very impressed!"

Then the internet gives you a polite golf clap and acknowledges the fact that you are indeed above average at __.

You can't do the Jake Paul boxing thing with track though. I feel like that's the road you're trying to go down here. But it doesn't work. There are concrete times you have to run that you won't be able to match. 

Although the more I think about it… I wish the Olympics would allow him in. In fact, if I were the Olympic Committee, I'd say, "You know what, IShowSpeed… we've been so impressed by your athletic achievements on YouTube that we've decided to automatically qualify you for every individual Olympic event. You'll be running the 100M, 200M, 400M, long jump, high jump, all the swimmings, everything. You will compete in literally everything."

Then we get it all out of the way at once. The Olympics will be completely unaffected. Everything will go off as normal. We'll just have IShowSpeed bringing up the rear by a WIDE margin in every event. We'll all get to see exactly how fast and athletic he is in comparison to the best in the world, then we can all get on with our lives. 

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P.S. I really wish we could go back in time to the point where we decided to let people go by their screen names in real life and nip it in the bud. I don't mind a stage name (i.e. Big Cat or KFC). But I wish we never just started calling people by their @'s. YouTube streamers are out there introducing each other to people with x's and numbers in their names. "Have you met my friend xxApocolypse99? You probably haven't heard of him, but he's massive among autistic Asian teenagers. He has 90,000,000,000 followers across all platforms and owns 50% of the Philippines". I just miss people having names.