Credit Where It's Due to Travis Kelce for Putting on a Masterclass on How to Handle it When the Sitting President and Your Girlfriend Hate Each Other

Javier Garcia. Shutterstock Images.

I've made no effort to hide the fact I'm beyond sick of Travis Kelce. My contempt for the man goes back way before he started America's Sweetheart and the two became the most overexposed, ubiquitous and tiresome celebrity couple of all time. It began about a hundred hijacked Patrick Mahomes postgame interviews ago, when it became clear the most dangerous place in the world is between Kelce and a TV camera. The whole Taylor Swift relationship just pumped Kelce's insufferability full of more performance enhancers than a Kentucky Derby horse. 

And yet … You can not like a guy and still have some grudging respect for him. I'll argue until Doomsday he'll never be the tight end Rob Gronkowski was:

But I can still admit Kelce is a worthy adversary. I can even admire the man, the way you might marvel at the work of an enemy commander in a war. And in no uncertain terms, Travis Kelce has found himself in the middle of his own personal war these past few months. Going back to election season, he found himself caught in the middle of a hot war between two superpowers:

In Science Fiction terms, this is the Kobayashi Maru. The No-Win scenario:

Kelce has spent months caught between the most powerful, influential pop culture icon of our times and a former/present Commander-in-Chief of the United States. A woman who commands the army of the world's population of young females with lots of discretionary income vs. the man who's never more than an arm's length from being able to launch nukes. 

It was only a matter of time before Kelce had to give a public statement about the impossible situation he's in. And with Trump coming to the game Sunday, that time was now. His answer was nothing less than statesmanlike. A masterclass in diplomacy:

Advertisement

"That’s awesome. It’s a great honor. I think, you know, no matter who the president is, I know I’m excited because it’s the biggest game of my life, you know, and having the president there, you know, it’s the best country in the world. So, that’d be pretty cool."

Bravo. 10/10. No notes. Perfection. 

This is the kind of nuanced, carefully crafted statement that de-escalates tensions on both sides, leads to ceasefires, and ends conflicts. I don't know who else is up for the Nobel Peace Prize this year, but they should all withdraw their nominations and concede the award to Kelce for this. 

The way he didn't take a side. Deflected by referencing all presidents. Like Dick Winters says to Capt. Sobel at the end of Band of Brothers, "You salute the rank; not the man." While getting in a plug for the good old US of A. 

Now you might argue he should've stuck up for his girlfriend as well. Taken her side even against a man with the power to audit your taxes and find out how much of that State Farm money you've been declaring. But as someone with 31 anniversaries on my resume, let me remind you that there's an astronomical unit-sized gap between "girlfriend" and "wife." If I was in this situation, I'd have to take the Irish Rose's side even if Trump was scrambling a drone on my car. Kelce's under no such obligation until he puts a ring on it. No matter how upset the Swifties are:

Advertisement

Kelce is probably about to retire. Making this a uniquely bad time to make enemies. As Michael Jordan put it, "Republicans buy shoes too." And also the goods and services of the sponsors to the Kelce brothers' podcast. Undoubtedly he's going to get a high profile, lucrative broadcast offer from one of the networks. So now is not the time to take on the most powerful man in the world. So this is a great business decision. 

But more relevant to all of us who have a woman in our lives who hate a man or two in our lives, this is how you handle it. When your girlfriend wants to make you choose between her and your friend, this is exactly the kind of soft, non-confrontational, ambiguous language you use. Don't push back against her. Don't appear to be defending your idiot buddy who you always end up closing the bar with every time you go out. Just play it neutral and you'll be back at the first tee with him again in no time. 

In this way, Travis Kelce is an inspiration to us all. I still hope his team loses. But by golly, I do have newfound respect for him after this.