Reports Say Diddy Allegedly Got His Ass Kicked in Prison By a Jamaican Drug Lord, Because Diddy's Special Treatment Drew Too Much Attention and Ruined Things For Everyone – (UPDATE: The Bureau of Prisons in Now Disputing The Report)
Knew it. Only a real brain genius like myself could read between the lines of "Diddy rushed from prison to hospital with head injury" and know that probably means he got his ass kicked. Even one of my many speculations as to why exactly it happened was pretty close.
TMZ – We're told the two men were fighting because Dudus, and many other inmates, are pissed at Diddy for getting exposed in that NBC News report about his luxurious life behind bars. As a result, prison officials have conducted at least 2 raids and confiscated cell phones from inmates ... including Dudus.
John Rich – Maybe he (Diddy) flew too close to the sun. I'm sure Diddy didn't pay off EVERYBODY in the prison. Eventually someone is going to get sick of your Chinese massages and premium liquor, and next thing you know you're on the wrong end of a curb stomping. Buying Thanksgiving dinner for everyone will only take you so far.
Well… I had it half right. Maybe only a quarter. Maybe even less than that. It wasn't that Jamaican drug lord Christopher Coke (sensational drug lord name btw) was jealous of Diddy's lavish prison lifestyle. It's that Diddy's lavish prison lifestyle drew so much attention that it made the news. In response to an NBC News story about Diddy's awesome prison life, the special treatment given to "important prisoners" across the board (including Christopher Coke) was revoked. FCI Fort Dix could have the world thinking they're soft on crime. Thanks to Diddy's famous, bougie, oiled-up ass drawing so much media attention, Chris Coke is now being treated like a common criminal. So he allegedly beat Diddy's ass for it.
Now, while Diddy is clearly the biggest celebrity at Fort Dix, our sources describe Dudus -- who's been serving a 23-year sentence since 2012 -- as the real kingpin, and he's none too pleased all his fringe benefits vanished after the raids.
We're told after the fight … both men were placed in the Special Housing Unit -- aka solitary confinement -- for 2 weeks' punishment. To be clear, Diddy was already in the SHU due to the NBC report, and the fight went down when he was out for his daily break
Damn. Tough times at Fort Dix. Sounds like they had a real good thing going there for a while. If only Diddy had the sense to keep his head down, just a little bit. He had all the premium liquor and cell phone access he wanted. What more could you really ask for in prison? Just keep it semi-hidden, pay the right people to protect you (i.e. keep EVERYONE away from you), and mind your own business. Had he done that, he might not be locked in sober solitary confinement right now. Or in the hospital with a traumatic head injury. Wherever he his now, it sounds a lot worse than this.
TMZ – According to multiple sources, Diddy has access to a contraband cellphone, which he allegedly uses to view nude photos of a former girlfriend.
They say he also gets Chinese massages … and has men making his bed, doing his laundry and cooking his meals.
Sources claim inmates clean Diddy's toilets and bathrooms before he uses them, and prepare meals including curry chicken, pizza and empanadas.
One of the anonymous sources tells NBC … "This is not some normal s* you see in jail. This is some rich s*. It looks crazy, but again, it’s Diddy."
The report also claims Diddy has been obtaining antidepressants from other inmates and benefiting from a stash of high end liquor allegedly smuggled into the prison by guards.
To be a super-rich guy in prison. That's the life. Until you fly too close to the sun and piss off the Jamaicans. You just can't be pissing off the Jamaicans in prison. It never ends well.
UPDATE – God damn it. Two hours ago, long after I originally blogged this, TMZ (who originally reported the story) posted this:
TMZ – Prison officials insist Diddy did not get into a fight that resulted in a head injury last weekend … but they are tight-lipped on how, or even if, he was hurt.
A spokesperson for the Bureau of Prisons tells us, "We can tell you that the story you are referring to is false and did not happen."
TMZ broke the story … Diddy was taken out of Fort Dix FCI early Saturday morning by ambulance to receive emergency medical treatment for a head injury. Multiple sources inside Fort Dix told us he sustained that injury during a clash with fellow inmate Christopher "Dudus" Coke.
When we asked the B.O.P. official how Diddy was injured, they said … "We have no additional information to provide."
But if they're still not giving a reason… well, I'm not sure who to believe. I'm not sure I care to know who to believe. I feel like it would make sense for both parties (the anonymous tipster inside the prison, and the Bureau of Prisons) to be lying. The tipster probably got paid for his tip. The Bureau of Prisons probably doesn't love people thinking it has so little control over their prisons. All I know is that one side is providing answers and the other isn't. So unless the Bureau of Prisons wants to give any clarity, I'm going to keep on believing that Diddy was jumped by a scary Jamaican drug lord named Christopher Coke.