If I’m not Sitting With Sean Connery, Anna Wintour, and Bradley Cooper Wearing A Blanket While Watching The US Open My Life Has Been A Waste

Listen I don’t like tennis. I hate how stuck up the crowd it. How the US Open is such a scene. A place for socialites and Hollywood elite. Sean Connery, Bradley Cooper, Anna Wintour, Kendal Jenner, Justin Timberlake, Jimmy Fallon, Robert Redford blah, blah, blah. Each one of them looking snootier than the next. Sean Connery wearing a god damn blanket and shit. Except not the kind that they give out on JetBlue. Oh no. That blanket was custom and it was velvet. Any idiot could see that. Just screaming at you how much better he is than me. So uppity. So bougey. So disgusting. Makes me want to puke. But at the same time I want it so bad I can taste it. It’s like Andy Benard and the Finer Things Club. It’s where I need to be. The I’m better than you and I know it and I’m gonna rub your nose it club. I’m rich, your poor. I’m smart, your dumb. I’m big, your little. That’s what the US Open crowd is all about and I need it like air to breathe.