Nike Dropped A Sick New "Snow Day" Commercial Last Night, Which Team Would Win?
During last night’s Pats-Fins game, Nike threw this 2 minute masterpiece at us. Such a great commercial, seemed Super Bowl worthy. Starts off with Gronk waking up to see he has left his window open during a blizzard, because that is such a Gronk thing to do. He gets up, heads outside and immediately gets nailed in the chest with a snowball thrown by Ndamukong Suh. After that it’s a who’s who in the neighborhood. Athletes such as ODB, Antonio Brown, Elena Delle Donne, LeSean McCoy, Luke Kuechly, Eric Weddle, Paul George, Marcus Mariota, Big Ben, Le’Veon Bell, Eugenie Bouchard, Marlean Esparza, Carli Lloyd, Draymond Green, A.J. Green, Sydney Leroux, Lauren Fisher, Paula Findlay and Steven Stamkos make their appearances.
McCoy does a front flip through his own door, seems irresponsible, Big Ben vandalizes someones mailbox and then likely denies it, Kuechly is being a hardo lifting in his garage during a blizzard, ODB makes a one handed catch (shocker), Paul George is in the back of some random car on the street, could be homeless. Antonio Brown gets hit by a rogue snowplow driven by Esparza, Eric Weddle and his A+ beard swan dive off of a house onto a snowman. Then the other team shows up with Suh, Mariota, Bell, Green, Delle Donne, Leroux, and Stamkos laying face down in a snow pile. Seems like Suh has too many girls on his team, but hey, who am I to judge?
So which of these teams would win in a pickup snow day football game?
Team Gronk- Gronk, Ben, Weddle, George, ODB, McCoy, Antonio Brown, Kuechly, Findlay, Esparza.
Team Suh- Suh, Mariota, A.J. Green, Leroux, Lloyd, Draymond Green, Bouchard, Delle Don, Stamkos.
QB:
Team Gronk- Ben obviously gets the start, used to cold games on a crappy field. Gritty guy who probably loves to play in the snow.
Team Suh- Mariota gets the nod here. Young stud on my Titans team, not sure if I’d want him out there with a hurt MCL. Lots of room to run out there, Mariota could break one with his legs.
Advantage: Team Gronk- Big Ben has been playing in these bad conditions since Mariota was in diapers, clear cut advantage here.
RB:
Team Gronk- McCoy in the backfield here, another guy who plays in crappy weather, and definitely having an all female party back at the crib after the game too, good choice. If you wanted to get creative, you could put that chick Findlay in there, Canadian marathon runner, as she has the stamina and has been in the cold.
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Team Suh- Bell obviously. Best RB in the world, stick him back there. Sidney Leroux is a smoke, and kills it on the soccer field, another shifty back you could put back there, maybe some wild cat formations.
Advantage- Team Suh gets the RB category, Bell is a young version of McCoy, and it’s a young mans game. He does these playground recess moves on an NFL field, no doubt he’d tear it up in a pick up game.
WR:
Team Gronk- I’m throwing Gronk in here because there are no tight ends in pick up, so that gives you Gronk, Paul George, ODB, and Antonio Brown…need I say more? Hopefully Paul George’s snapped leg is all healed up, he can stretch the field opening it up for ODB and AB.
Team Suh- AJ Green, Delle Donne, and Stamoks, nothing to see here, but still a better receiving corp than what the Ravens throw out there every week.
Advantage: Team Gronk in a landslide, may be the greatest collection of hands in history. Mariota only has A.J, plus Delle Donne’s height, and Stamkos’ speed to work with. Ben would kill it with this group.
OL:
Team Gronk- We can use a 3 man line for pickup, you go with Weddle cause he’s a bulldog, Kuechly, and the boxer chick.
Team Suh- Suh will kill it here, Draymond could hold his own, and that Tennis chick Bouchard would match up against the other girl.
Advantage: Team Suh gets the nod, a solid offensive line is the key to winning, ask anyone. Team 2 has what it takes on the line.
K:
Team Gronk – Carli Lloyd, that smokeshow gets the nod at kicker, for obvious reasons.
Team Suh – Stamkos uses his feet enough I guess, he can handle kicking.
Advantage- Team Gronk- Carli is hot and can kick. Point Carli. This category is classic pandering to the girl, we’re never kicking in this game, ever.
DL:
Team Gronk- Gronk and Ben at DE to rush the passer after 3 Mississippi, and boxer Esparanza to finish off the DL.
Team Suh- Suh and Green again, Delle Donne to clog up the middle and swat passes like J.J. Watt.
Advantage- Team Suh. Suh is going to murder anyone he goes against in a pickup game, Delle Donne and her massive wingspan will go well with Suh and Green bull rushing.
LB:
Team Gronk- Kuechly, Paul George, and McCoy man the middle, solid LB crew if you ask me.
Team Suh- Umm they don’t really have anyone for this position, looks like they’ll go heavy on the nickel and dime packages with a billion people in the secondary.
Advantage- Team Gronk by default because team Suh has literally no one. Not sure Mariota will fair well at ILB.
Secondary:
Team Gronk- ODB, Antonio Brown, and Weddle. Again, a sick group, a ball won’t hit the ground.
Team Suh- Everyone not on the DL, Green, Mariota can use his Hawaii speed, Leroux, Stamkos. Not a bad unit, but they can’t check the Gronk receivers.
Advantage- Team Gronk runs away with this one as well. They have too much speed at WR, Team Suh couldn’t cover a cold.
At the end of the day, Gronk’s team is too big, too fast, too strong. WR core kills it, Ben has a field day and makes Carli Lloyd very uncomfortable, Suh tries to fight that chick boxer, ODB has a one-handed interception that he asks everyone repeatedly if they saw it, and then everyone goes home for hot chocolate.
Overall a great commercial, and props to Gronk for picking a far superior team. Get your shit together Suh, you’ll never win a pickup football game with 3 chicks on your team. This is classic Gronk. Wins the game, then gets the chicks back at his place after. Suh is such a loser.
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