If You Buy The "Best Friend" Ring With 2 Diamonds You're A Sucker

“Introducing the Ever Us two-stone diamond ring. Being in love is a wonderful thing. Being in love with your best friend is everything. Celebrate your life together with the Ever Us two-stone diamond ring.”

I see this commercial every 30 fucking seconds these days. The double diamond 1. One diamond because shes your true love, one because she’s your “best friend.” Get the fuck outta my face with this nonsense, Zales. What a scam this is. Just round up all the suckers of the world who will pay for 2 diamonds instead of one. Make an ugly ring most chicks dont even like and find some dumb saps to buy em up? “Ever Us.” Get lost.

First thing’s first if you call your girl your “best friend” I absolutely want to punch you in the face. I see it all over facebook all the time. “Today I married my soulmate….and best friend.” “She said yes! Cant wait to marry my best friend!” Motherfucker if she’s your best friend, you need new friends. My wife is the furthest thing from my best friend and thats the way it should be. Love her to death, wouldnt marry another person. But she ain’t my best friend. The quickest way to have your marriage fail is to treat her like you would your best friend. When I’m around my “best friends” its like the worst marriage of all time. We barely talk. Just a head nod and a grunt when they walk in the room. Then we watch a game or a TV show in complete silence. The peace and quiet is incredible. Probably fart in front of each other a couple times. Someone takes a huge dump and its discussed openly. We’re making fun of each other relentlessly. All that shit is the fastest way for a relationship to end. I mean dont get me wrong, its infinitely better than being in a relationship. No judging about anything. No complaining that they’re “bored” and “sick of doing nothing.” Nobody getting mad that the other person is just sitting on the couch and not doing chores. But its just wildly different. The only thing similar between best friends and marriage is that you dont have sex when you go to bed. Other than that, its completely different.

So if you call your lady your “best friend” you’re either A) a loser with no friends or B) you’re trying to be cutesy and you just suck at it. Your wife is not your best friend. She’s basically like a coworker or a boss. You dont want to be that guy who likes his coworkers, do you? No. So drop the best friend shtick and certainly dont get her this wack ass ring. Its ugly, chicks dont like it, and you’re just the sucker who got talked into buy 2 diamonds instead of 1.