Pipsqueak Essentially Calls Amy Schumer A Whore On Twitter And She Stuffs Him In A Locker

HA. What a goob. If anything Amy showed pity on this squirt as she knows he’ll be thinking about this one for a long time. A live look at this kid going to bed would be on par with Steve Carrell’s wide eyed night in the 40-Year-Old Virgin. Haven’t had a second hand embarrassment this palpable since dogsitting Nate at the Eagles/Redskins tailgate. She really could have went for the jugular and gone full wedgie/swirly on him but props to her for showing mercy.

And, yes, Amy Schumer is still the certified tits. I’m man enough to admit she’s hilarious and I’d venture to say she’s marriage material in my book. Sure, she’s a bit of a frumpy side, but looks don’t matter down the line. If I’m taking the plunge into one vagina for the rest of my life it better be with someone I can shoot the shit with. I am not fluent in whatever bullshit language most women speak, but you could literally say ANYTHING to her and not only would she not be offended, she’d dish it right back in your face. She’s basically a dude, and trust me, if I could switch teams I think I’d give it a shot. This “Jack-O-Lantern with tits” can catch my dick anytime she wants. Also, those millions in the bank and riding the coattails of a superstar in waiting wouldn’t be that bad of a gig. I’m basically a Stay At Home Dad already without the kids or responsibility. If I can live out the rest of my days in mesh shorts and intramural t-shirts and I’ll have it made in the shade.