Burger King Vs Wendy's Twitter Beef Is The Most Lopsided Battle In History
It’s a pretty accepted fact that of all the major, fast food burger joints Burger King is the worst (checks cleared, bitches. No take backsies #chickenfries). The only time I eat it is when going I’m home or going to Newport I’ll stop at the BK on 24, and it’s always cold garbage. Every single time. So this was going to be a bloodbath from the word go. You can’t take Wendy’s delicious 4 for $4 meal, add a free cookie, take a shot across that redheaded minx’s bow and expect to get away scot-free. No sir, no how. Not in my America. Wendy’s is a FAR superior product to the King and if you don’t believe me then let’s just go to the tale of the tape. I’ll prove it to you with science.
Tale of the Tape:
Signature meal:
vs.
This one’s a no-brainer for me. It’s you, Spicy Chicken sandwich. It’s always been you. Portnoy called me an idiot because he doesn’t think the spicy chicken is Wendy’s signature meal. Well guess what, Dave? I think YOU’RE the idiot. Wendy’s could eliminate everything but the number 6 and the dollar menu and barely see their profits take a dive. Spicy chicken sandwich and a Jr. Baconator from the dollar menu. That’s the order every damn time. (Also, it’s what I’m getting for dinner tonight now).
Fries
vs.
Guess what, ladies and gentlemen? Another no-brainer. Wendy’s in a landslide! I think Burger King’s fries are set to a timer, or some kind of motion sensor. It’s like the second they know you’ve driven away they become cold cardboard because they know you won’t go back and complain. Dry, cold, paper is what they taste like. Wendy’s sea salt fries, on the other hand? Those taste like luxury. Like some fancy-ass fries you’d get at a beach resort. Wendy’s fries are the high life.
Treats
vs.
Of all the no-brainers we’ve had thus far, this one requires the least brain. Hershey pies vs Frostys? Lolololol. Blood bath. A chocolatey, delicious bloodbath. And guess what, I don’t even know if the sundae pies are good. They might be the most delicious thing that’s ever existed but I wouldn’t know, because no one eats dessert at Burger King. A Frosty, however? Well that’s an American staple. It’s more American than playing baseball with an apple pie. Frostys are the original frozen treat and will always be top dog. They’re the perfect fry topping, the perfect dessert, or the perfect refreshing cup of soft serve to eat on its own. The Frosty wears many hats, and they all fit beautifully.
Burgers
vs
I almost gave this one to BK based on pity and sesame seeds, but I just can’t do it. Wendy’s is once again the victor. Their burgers are always hot, they’re square and that’s unique (which is good, I guess?) and they’re always the perfect compliment to my spicy chicken.
Mascot
vs.
Gee the guy who looks like he’s gonna rub his nuts on my food then murder me as a joke or the foxy red head who looks like she’ll make sweet love to me then murder me out of passion? Real tough one there.
So there you have it. A top to bottom destruction of Burger King by the spicy ginger, Wendy. Be it on social media, in the kitchen, or in the bedroom — I don’t know, just go with it — the King doesn’t hold a candle to Wendy’s. He BK, you don’t have edible food, boom roasted.