Bomb Squad Had To Be Called Over A Particularly Loud Cock Ring

(Source) — A town in central Germany experienced a bomb scare Tuesday — people were evacuated, explosives experts were alerted — but it turns out that the suspicious item was actually a discarded sex toy. An employee at a small casino in the town of Halberstadt in Saxony-Anhalt rang police on Tuesday afternoon when she heard a “strange humming noise” coming from the trash can in a men’s bathroom, officers said in a statement. Following their “clear guidelines” in bomb scares, police immediately evacuated about 90 people from nearby shops and businesses and closed off the street. Explosive experts with the state bomb squad were brought in to investigate the buzzing sound.
Officers ultimately found no explosives but did discover a battery-operated, vibrating cock ring. Yep, someone threw out a buzzing cock ring and didn’t even have the decency to turn it off. The ring’s vibrations were particularly loud, police said, because of the echo from the metal trash can.

I’m a pro-cock ring guy. I’m all for any kind of attachment, as futuristic as they may seem, that makes my dick resemble anything useful. I’ve said it on KFC Radio and I’ll say it here: if you don’t have a cock ring in your top drawer just in case you bring home a girl who’s out of your league, then you’re a fool. Once she busts out a move that tells you she’s for real, like a reverse crab or some shit, you tap that guy in. Call the reinforcement robot dick because this isn’t a battle your boy is gonna win.

My burning question, however, is what was this guy doing with one in the bathroom? That’s really the lede on this thing. The fuck you doing in the casino of a men’s room with a cock ring? Were you jerking off with that thing on? I’m not gonna thumb my nose at a public bathroom beatdown. When you gotta go, you gotta go. But Jesus, man, save that freak shit for the hotel room. Hotels are designed to be dirtied up and disgusting, they give you the lotion and all that for a reason. Every time you’ve changed the channel in a hotel room understand that, that clicker has probably been in someone’s ass at some point. But public bathrooms jerkoffs are much like public bathroom shits, you do the necessities. You wanna get fancy, relax, play on your phone and bust out sex toys? Go home.