Game of Thrones Episode One "The Red Woman" Recap
It’s the newest weekly Barstool feature, the Monday Game of Thrones Recap. Here I’ll be writing assorted thoughts, observations, critiques, predictions, and musings about the most entertaining show on television. I also think these blogs work a lot better with screencaps from the actual episode, but am not sure if that’s legal or whatnot and really don’t want to get Barstool sued and be yelled at by Mike Portnoy. So if someone could update me on if I can do that for next week or not, that’d be great. Here’s the recap:
All in all, I thought last night was a fine first episode. It was clear the objective of the episode was to set the table for the rest of the season, get the locations set for where the action will happen the remaining nine episodes, and give the audience a small taste of the chaos coming to keep us interesting. Last night accomplished all those things. Would a couple jolts of action have been nice to give the fans some release after eagerly waiting the most anticipated television episode of the year? Of course, but we’ve learned a long time ago that DB Weiss and Dan Benioff don’t really give a shit about giving their viewers a payoff for the sake of it, they’ll give us our moment when they’re good and goddamn ready.
Emotionally payoff was given to one character who sorely needed it however, Game of Throne’s Most Likely To Have Dressed Up As Susan B. Anthony For Halloween As A Child, Brienne of Tarth. Brienne is the most incorruptible character in the entire Game of Thrones universe; she is pretty much the only currently living character who has never compromised her values or had a moment of moral weakness yet. Most of the time this is grinding and annoying – you can see Brienne being the cousin at Thanksgiving dinner who refuses to have a beer, frowns at every off-color joke, doesn’t eat food with too much sodium, and everyone is super relieved when she goes to bed at 8:45. Most of the time, her rigidly upright chivalry makes her look out of place and hopelessly naïve to the point of being ridiculous. That’s what made Sansa accepting Brienne’s oath of fealty in the middle of a snowy forest surrounded by dead bodies and horses so perfect: It was awkward, bizarre, and unorthodox. Basically it was everything that Brienne is and does. But it gave Brienne a moment of validation she has desperately sought her entire life. For a big woman, Brienne is pretty used to getting kicked around, and for the first time in a long time has someone to give her a sense of belonging and purpose. And it’s a win-win because Sansa now has someone to look after her besides a dickless freak whose idea of drawing a search party away from her is running 15 yards to her left and throwing out a lie that they probably would’ve seen for themselves isn’t true.
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As good as a week it was for Brienne, it was worse for Cercei. A part of Cercei died last episode – Marcella represented the good in the Lannister family, someone who wasn’t corrupted by the noxious influence of their ruthlessness and arrogance. She was the innocent lamb in a family of lions, and her life being claimed as revenge for Lannister sins probably extinguishes the last of any light in Cercei. I think the death of Marcella will impact the Queen in a profound way that even Joeffrey’s death didn’t. Deep down, Cercei probably knew an early death for a King as hated as Joeffrey was inevitable, and even deeper down probably knew it was deserved. Marcella’s death was neither of those things, and now Cercei is in a cold rage and besides Tommen, truly has nothing to lose. Nothing she could do going forward could surprise me.
The other queen in Kings Landing, Margaery, has also seen better days. Locked away in a cell getting lectured by some bitch nun, she is now subjected to the type of endless torture that only those of us who went to CCD or Catholic School and asked the teacher how we know the priest isn’t lying when he says he speaks with God can truly empathize with. I think the High Sparrow has very, very, very interesting plans for Margaery; one of the most consistent themes of Thrones is the corrupting influence of power, and the barefooted Sparrow has had his first taste of it. The politicization of religion in Westeros makes any type of clergymen important political figures, let alone one that now has an army and arrest power over nobility. A brainwashed, obedient Margaery can be quite the political tool for a man in the High Sparrow’s position, and I think this exact thought has crossed his mind.
Know what else crossed a mind? A Sand Snakes spear right through the mind of the Prince of Dorne when they stabbed him in the fucking head. Terrible jokes aside, I’m glad that we’re returning to Dorne. Last seasons Dornish story arc was the worst the show has ever had and disappointing in every way, especially given the expectations following the badassery of Oberyn, one of the few men capable of making other men feel super lame for not being bisexual (RIP Prince and David Bowie). So why would I be happy we’re going back? Pretty much every Dornishmen we’ve come to meet is dead now except Ellaria and her three daughters, which feels like a fresh slate. I’m ready to give Dorne a new shot, and am glad the showrunners are unafraid to give it a new shot too.
In another desert on another continent, you have the Mother of Dragons who finds herself potentially being banished to a tomb, thanks to her former affiliation with Khal Drogo and two jealous Khaleesi’s. To be fair, I think most women would rather send Emilia Clarke to die in a desert than compete for attention against her with their man, so I feel them, that’s probably just the smart play on their part. It’s disappointing to see that the Dorthraki kidnapping is going to be an extended storyline meaning we won’t see Khaleesi leading the Great Dragon Invasion against Westeros anytime soon, but I think anyone who thought that’d be coming in the near future is a blissfully wondrous combination of optimistic and stupid. Still, when Daenerys’ eyes were searching the skies for Drogon in hopes of rescuing her and bringing her back to Mereen to further prepare for some wheel-breakin’ and Westeros-takin’ , I was hoping for the same exact thing. Sparks will fly this season but I doubt Daenerys will be involved with very many of them (you can copy and paste the last three sentences and apply them to Arya too and I feel the same basic way). Also, the forced attempt at comic relief with the Dorthraki was uncomfortable and out-of-place feeling. Leave the jokes to Tyrion.
Tyrion has quite the work cut out for him too! It looks like he’s going to be battling religious zealots just like his sister in Kings Landing, although hopefully with more success (pro tip: don’t arm people who hate everything you stand for.) Mereen is literally burning, and I think the shipyard being on fire is meant to be symbolic of the situation he finds himself in: a city in chaos, chaos that could be being caused by anyone, the shipyard is on fire so no help is coming, and there is no organized way to put it out. Tyrion is faced with an impossible task, to basically be Abraham Lincoln for a city he knows nothing about, doesn’t speak the language of, and is in all likelihood actively trying to kill him. Godspeed Halfman.
And that finally brings us to the final part, the part you’ve all been waiting for, our friends on the Wall. We did not get the Jon Snosus Christ resurrection that we thought we’d get, but Snow Superfans are still hopeful. In order to help said superfans track the progress of Jon Snow’s mortality status, I made a meter inspired by Barstool’s own PFTCommenter’s Flaccometer tracking how elite Joe Flacco is. So let’s check this weeks “How Dead Is Jon SnOmeter.”
Pretty damn dead. Although I find the emphasis placed on his direwolf Ghost to be verrry interesting, and think that Ghost will have quite a significant role to be played sometime later this season in relation with his dead owner. But whether Jon stays dead or alive probably relies most heavily on MeLisaAnndre (get it guys, like Melisandre and Lisa Ann? Because we saw her naked and it turns out she’s older than we thought? Darren Rovell thinks I really nailed that one.) Melisandre’s reveal was shocking for the “holy shit” factor, but was less and less surprising the more you thought about it. There have been repeated hints that Melisandre was centuries old throughout the show, which the actress who played her blatantly confirmed in interviews. We know that Melisandre is a master in deception and smokes and mirrors, so the fact she herself would be a piece of trickery isn’t a surprise. I thought her old body was greatly symbolic of the vulnerability she felt in that moment, and for the first time in the show, we saw her have a moment of doubt in herself and faith. Religion is unquestionably going to take a bigger role in this season of Thrones because magic is taking a greater role, and in George RR Martin’s world, magic is something that is inherently religious (whether this is because magic is something that comes from the Gods or religion is a label put on magic to exploit people is so far unclear.) The Lady in Red might be a little grayer than we thought, but that doesn’t make her any less powerful in her abilities to rebirth our favorite Lord Commander. What’s she waiting for? I have no idea. But I’m excited to find out.
Follow me on Twitter @CharlieWisco . Also follow @KFCRadio , because we’re doing live streaming podcasts before and after each episode that we will hopefully be able to embed here soon.
Valar morgulhis.