Hospital Employee Found Dead After He Has A Heart Attack While Jerking Off And Watching Porn

(NYDN) – A Bronx hospital worker found dead by a colleague may have died of a heart attack while masturbating, police sources said Wednesday. The 48-year-old man was found about 10 a.m. Tuesday in a remote area of North Central Bronx Hospital. A source said no foul play was suspected and that it appeared the man had partly disrobed and was watching pornography on a computer when he died.

Have a fucking guys back, please? I don’t ask a lot of my colleagues or friends, but if you ever stumble into the breakroom and I’m dead with my scrubs around my ankles and a gangbang porn playing on the laptop propped on my chest, keep a secret? Just do me a solid, turn the porn off, and pull my pants up? I really don’t feel like that’s asking too much. I’m not even one of those “clear my browser history!!!” guys because at this point I’ve admitted to so much that whatever’s out there is out there, but if I’m in the actual act of masturbating then don’t tell the New York Daily News about it. That’s a fair final request. “John died doing what he loved: masturbating and being a fat piece of fuck with a shitty heart, who couldn’t even handle an erection at 48 year’s old,” is something no one deserves on their tombstone. I don’t care how many times I stole your yogurt out of the fridge, Samantha, you bitch, that’s no need to ruin a man’s “I’ve never died while jerking off” reputation.

PS – Having said all that, now that we’ve been alerted to the fact that it happen I feel like it’s poor journalism to not mention if he’d cum or not. HUGE implications on the story there. If this guy hadn’t finished then it’s so much better, you can just spin that into he died while getting some cardio in at the office. But, if you’re found with a fresh load on your stomach? Goddamn is that a shitty way to go. I mean, probably a great way to go, but a shitty way to be remembered. I’ve never seen myself right after I cum and die but I guarantee that’s something no one wants to see.