Pedals, The Bear Who Walks Upright, Spotted Lurking Around In New Jersey Again

Absolutely not. Absolutely. Not. We can’t allow this. The human race cannot allow this. The Animal Kingdom been getting too big for their britches recently and this bear strutting his shit through the backyards of Jersey is the last straw. We got monkeys rag dolling kids, gators eating people, and now fucking bears looking like they’re strolling through the grocery store trying to pick out their favorite cereal. Lookin like he’s trying to sneak back into his house after his parents went to sleep. No. Wont allow it. We gotta draw the line at animals literally trying to become humans. Otherwise its a wrap. We’ve given animals an inch by not slaughtering them and completely taking over the planet, now they’re taking a mile. Eating us and trying to be us and shit. I vote to kill Pedals right fucking now. I dont live in Bear Country of Jersey but you can bet I’ll still be throwing out some bear traps for Pedals. Highly unlikely he comes slinking down the streets of Hoboken, but this is fucking Pedals we’re talking about here. He might hop in an Uber with his buddies and come out to the Boken for a day. I mean he’s got a fucking name. How the hell does a bear even get a name? Cant be trusted.

I’m tellin you – this is a seminal moment in the eternal struggle between animals and humans. The moment we allow them to start walking upright is the beginning of the end. Thats when Planet of the Apes sorta shit starts. I mean you ever seen the chart of evolution?

This is how it starts, man. Right now Pedals advanced ass is right here:

Lets nip this in the bud right fuckin now. Not trying to let Pedals advance to that 4th stage. Not trying to let Pedals procreate and make a whole sleuth of human-bears. Get animal control out there and put an end to Pedals the human-bear and his little joy ride around the backwoods of Jersey. The fate of humankind depends on it.