Is This Tinder Girl Searching For A Dude She'd Previously Met True Love Or The Weirdest Move Ever?

LM1

LM2-MAYBELEADthischickstinderbiohastobethethirstiesthingever

 

Bills Mafia you’ve done it again, turning Tinder into a more advanced Craigslist missed connections. On the one hand, it’s sort of a romantic idea to re-encounter someone you felt like you had some singular connection with. On the other hand, going to Tinder, setting up a Gmail, and somehow getting a picture of this dude is arguably the scariest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m not sure if I’m aiding and abetting some dude ending up like James Caan in Misery. But we’ve established it enough times: I’m an idealist. And if some girl is going to anonymously put herself out there to find love, I’m going to fully encourage a manhunt to make it happen. Someone find and tell Mike!…or if you’re Mike out there reading this trying to disappear after fingering this girl with your wing sauce hands in the bathroom, hit me up and we’ll pretend this never happened. (via LM)

 

And just like that, we’re in another week of the Tinder blog. I’m running late due to extra blogging today so I’ll spare you small talk and say HEY GO FOLLOW ME PRETTY PLEASE AND SEND ME YOUR BEST SCREENSHOTS and let’s get after it.

 

 

AJC

(via AJC)

 

 

TM-wellthisseemslikeafairwaytojudgewhosseriousandwhosnotabouteatingass

Well this seems like a fair way to judge who’s really serious about ass eating jokes on this app (via TM)

 

 

A-whatdoyouthinkdeliberatelyshowingoffthegreatassorjustherloveofsport

Classic win-win when you can promote your great ass on a dating app while showing people you love sports (via A)

 

 

SMK-whippetsanditaliangreyhoundsgotogetherlikepeanutbutterandembryonicfluid

Very logical list structure, whippets and Italian greyhounds go together like peanut butter and embryonic fluid (via SMK)

 

 

DH-gladshereceivedtheintersectionalfeministwithadudenamestarterpack

Glad she received the Intersectional Feminist with a Dude Name starter pack to she knew how to nail the look (via DH)

 

 

M-yourcompetitionfortheweekhonestlycouldhavebeenblurredandputintheNSFWsectiontbh

Your competition for the week honestly could have been blurred and put in the NSFW section but I’m not mad at his inflatable whale vibes (via M)

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    NC-iamsurethisgirlloveswhenguysmakeaqualityreversecowgirljokeprobablyhasneverhearditbefore

    I am sure this girl loves when guys make a quality reverse cowgirl joke but, based on that gun, you’re making it at your own risk (via NC)

     

     

    C-imnotsurewhattheguyequivalentofthisbiowouldbebutzeropercentchanceitdgetasingleswiperight

    I’m not sure what the guy equivalent of this trainwreck bio would be but zero percent change it’d get half as many swipes right as this chick’ll get (via C)

     

     

    MR-saddayforpatsfansbutthankfullybumblehasasmuchcheerleadersadredlobsterhasendlessshrimpsoyouvegotthis

    It’s a sad day for Pats fans but thankfully Bumble has as many cheerleaders as Red Lobster has shrimp to help you start the Brady healing (via MR)

     

     

    CP-itwarmsmyjadedheartwhenpornscenescanbecomerealityforoneluckyadultereroutthere

    It warms my jaded heart when porn scenes can become a reality for one lucky adulterer out there (via CP)

     

     

    M-ohyeah17yearoldfuckinggoontinderandtelldudesyoulovegoingtodesolateplacesgreatfuckingidea

    Oh yeah 17-year-old, fucking go on Tinder and tell dudes you love going to isolated places, great fucking idea for your poor dad (via M)

     

     

    LI-theguywhosentthisindidntgetitwasaquotefromsomethingNAMETHATQUOTE

    The guy who sent this in didn’t get it was a quote from something so it’s time to play Name That Quote (via LI)

     

     

    JG-thefuckeduppartisyoujustknowgirlslikethisgivethebestheadbutillbedamnedifieverconfirmthattheory

    The fucked up part is you just know that a girl (girl?) like this gives the best head but I’ll be damned if I ever confirm that theory (via JG)

     

     

    JS1

    JS2-imallforthetindersocialexperimentsbuthterestofthosepicsbetterbefuckingGORGEOUS

    I’m all for the concept of Tinder social experiments but the rest of this girl’s pics better be fucking GORGEOUS to balance out this bullshit (via JS)

     

     

    RF-subtletyisanattractivetraitinwomen

    Subtlety is an attractive trait in women (via RF)

     

     

    S-ifyouregoingtoburyusinthatmanyemojisatleastsneakamelononeinwiththosejugs

    If you’re going to bury us in that many emojis you owe the people at least one melon-based emoji for those jugs (via S)

     

     

    BK-hashtagstooliegirls

    #stooliegirls, bless all their hearts (and be extra nice to them on these apps always) (via BK)

     

     

    JC-mymessagetoashleyrelineoneofyourbiowegoodlovechris

    My message to Ashley:

    SUBJECT: RE: Line one of your bio

    We good.

    Love,Chris

    (via JC)

     

     

    RG-morecompetitionfortheweekandwatchoutbecausenothingsayscounterculturemorethanagoldiphone6

    More competition for the week and watch out because nothing says counterculture heartthrob quite like a selfie with a gold iPhone 6 (via RG)

     

     

    J-shemustbejokingbutthissoundslikethefeministtwitterchickihadtodealwithearlier

    She must be joking but this sounds like the feminist Twitter chick I had to deal with earlier today would say for sure (via J)

     

     

    MD-imtoldthisisomeonefromthebachelorandlordknowsiwontverifyitonmyownsoletsgowithit

    I’m told this is someone from The Bachelor and lord knows I won’t verify it on my own so let’s go with it if you care (via MD)

     

     

    SDD1

    SDD2-waitisthisgirlrealbecauseshedoesnltlookrealbutimnowfollowingheroninstagramandhopingherbeingusedtodisappointmentbybeingalionsfanmightgetmeaDMslide

    Wait is this girl real because she doesn’t look real but I’m now following her on Instagram and hoping her being used to disappointment because of being a Lions fans will give me a chance for a DM slide (via SDD)

     

     

    PT-Dirrtyboisneedlovejustlikeregularonesiguess

    Dirrty bois need love just like us clean bois I suppose (via PT)

     

     

    And onto the hot and/or NSFWish ones…

     

     

    ST-HOTNSFWwhenyoutrynaeatthebootylikegroceriesbutitsalreadybeeneatenoutofhouseandhomeINSERTGIF

    When you tryna eat the booty like groceries but you can’t tell from her pic if the shelves are stocked:

     

     

    (via ST)

     

     

    JS-HOTNSFWnocluewithanythingaboutthisgirlslifebutwiththatcleavageandablazerimreadyforhertobeanimportantwomaninbusiness

    No clue with anything about this girl’s life but with that cleavage/blazer combo I’m ready for her to be an important woman in business or at least play in one in internet pornography (via JS)

     

     

    CL-HOTNSFWgunshowandasnatchjokeiskillingthefitgirltindergame

    Gun show and a snatch joke is killing the fit girl Tinder game (via CL)

     

     

    RM-HOTNSFWthompissuchaperfectsoundeffectforanasslikethat

    “Thomp” is also a perfect sound effect for a booty like that so good for this girl. Letttttt meeeeeee seeeeeee that Thoooooooomp (via RM)

     

     

    DS-HOTNSFWhatewhengirlsbragaboutbeingabletodrinkmorebecauseitsalmostneverthecasebutcoolamericabuttsowhatever

    I hate when girls brag about being able to drink more because it’s literally never the case but cool America butt so whatever (via DS)

     

     

    CB-HOTNSFWidontthinkivedoneenoughinthecommunitycollegebuttcommunity

    I don’t think I’ve done enough in the community college butt community (via CB)

     

     

    TC-HOTNSFWgonnasaythisqualifiesasabadnosepiercing

    Gonna say this qualifies as a “bad nose piercing.” Also no way she could get hired at Raisin’s

     

    (via TC)

     

     

    JW1-HOTNSFW

    JW2-HOTNSFWhadtobluralotofthispicandstillfeelweirdbloggingitsomaybethisdudeshouldnthaveitonhisbumble

    I had to blur a lot of this pic and still feel weird blogging it so this dude should prooooooobably not have it on his Bumble (via JW)

     

     

    JB-HOTNSFWaboutasNSFWasapicwithnothingtechnicallyNSFWcanbe

    These last two might be a record for being about as NSFW of pics with nothing technically NSFW can be (via JB)

     

     

    And bingo bango, another week of the Tinder blog in the books. Follow me on Twitter and send me your screenshots, try not to catch the Zika virus out there, and happy swiping!