This Unbelievably Hot Tinder Girl Is A Good Reminder Of Why You Should Look At Everything Before Swiping
I refuse to think this dog/single mom bait and switch is accidental, it’s either a troll job by this girl or maybe it’s her way of putting up a few very minor dragons to slay before you get the princess. But if either of those are the case, I’m in on it. A girl like that with some basic Greek sorority letters + Instagram handle bio is getting swiped right 99% of the time and the 1% not swiping right only didn’t because they thought she was spam. She steps outside and dicks are probably launched at her face the moment a beam of sunlight hits her. At that level, you almost have to start disqualifying people and making it hard on them just to keep things manageable. So it’s totally cool to pretend you’re a single mom, say you have a fake leg or that your body literally secretes venereal diseases; it’s all worth a shot just to pare things down a little. You’ve got to find a dude who listens to your thoughts on which Bachelorette contestant is the least unstable because he loves your personality and not just for your looks. (h/t Reddit)
And here we are, another hot and sweaty week of the internet’s number one Tinder blog. As always thanks to people who sent things in, follow me on Twitter and DM in your screenshots, and let’s get after it:
This one was the most popular profile sent in this week and deservedly so, funny bio, pretty girl, hope she finds something good with an appreciative 5’4 gentleman (via JR)
I’m going to need some clarification on Peyton’s gender and if it’s the girl in the pic before we proceed (via EB)
Nothing says “I quit heroin cold turkey” quite like a joke about doing heroin together in the first line of the bio (via CT)
It took me a second to connect that she didn’t mean Dunkin Donuts is what makes her bi, thought it was maybe a “Time to bump the donuts” reference or something (via BN)
Featured on Barstool
This seems like the bio of an old man catfishing people to play Pokemon and jerk off to anime with tbh (via YMVP)
Nice to see that your competition for the week has modernized the Captain Caveman look (via JW)
I have a sudden craving for lengua tacos (via RSC)
Not ruling this one out but I’m going to need some clearly defined rules on how you choose which sister you get
(via LG)
This can’t possibly be real but I’m keeping a suspicious eye on this dude just in case (via SC)
This is the most LA girl Bumble group pic imaginable (via MK)
Wait, you mean your golf course doesn’t have a giant phallic gun for people to hold? How do you live? (via JS)
The type of girl who posts pregnancy tests legitimately probably also posts photos at Red Lobster declaring her dinner “classy af” unironically (via QM)
Way better than a bio saying “I snowball” (via K)
I’m sure Joey Bosa slays on Bumble and off but he’d do better if he didn’t wear that Paul Bearer-managing-Kane suit for the NFL Draft (via CD)
I can’t be the only one who thinks very clickable fetish porn instead of adorable Christmas photo seeing this (via D)
Your own unfunny conversations as a Tinder pic is a bad look for everyone involved (via P)
Someone’s going to have a rough call come Election Day 2016 (via TC)
This week’s reminder I don’t watch Real World or The Bachelor but people send these profiles in and I include them without confirming they were actually on the show (via JT)
Looking for a man who doesn’t urinate all over a bathroom, set the bar high out there ladies (via JB)
You can take the girl out of cheerleading but you can’t take the cheerleading out of Bumble (via TB)
I would hope most sugar daddies gained their wealth through being better at negotiation than this (via AM)
God I wanted to hate this dude but he reminded me of this with the end of his bio and now I can’t hate him:
(via LW)
A man dusts off an old box in the garage, tucked away behind bicycles and pool noodles from a simpler time. He cuts the brown tape open on the top of the box, freely revealing its weathered contents. The man stares inside, rifling through each item with a moment of concern followed by immediate disdain. He flings buttons and a Swiss army knife over his shoulder, cherished memories now nothing more than inconveniences. At last, relief washes over his face as he comes across a weathered book. The man rifles through the dog-eared pages with deliberate focus, each flick echoing through the mildew-scented darkness. His eyes sparkle as his fingers run over one section and mutters, “Soft shackle. That’s the one.” A rope is thrown over a beam, a chair hits the ground with a thud, and an envelope floats from the man’s hands to the floor as he effortlessly levitates above. The piece of paper within contains a message whose brevity is only matched by the harshness of its reality:
“Never have a daughter.
Bye,
Kendra’s Dad”
(via LB)
And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…
When the Chicago titties are so good that she knows she’s got to preemptively tell the world they’re real:
(via P)
I can’t help but see this pose and the snorkel and think she’s the most overprepared bukakke participant ever (via JWC)
She HAS to know what she’s doing with that pearl necklace (via DFS)
Almost needed to go panoramic mode for that pic (via MW)
Love this girl both for nipples and for pointing them out just in case you don’t immediately notice, very helpful (via RS)
Telemundo booty gets you Telemundo size queening (via ST)
She literally doesn’t even have to have a face when she turns around and I’m still in (via Chel)
Protests all over, a silent majority-themed election and black girls scared of dogs, looks like the late 60s are back in style again! (via AP)
Impressive amount of titty going for a runway model body (via ND)
Mentioning you were on Barstool > Mentioning you were on Reddit (viaCJB)
More competition for the week and make no mistake because of Homer Simpson: This is what Homers in real life look like (via kT)
Far away butt shots are now mandatory in every Tinder blog according to our new CEO. And she claimed content wouldn’t change smh (via Creamy)
And that’s another week in the books of the Tinder blog. Make sure to follow me on Twitter and send in your screenshots, thanks again to the folks who sent things in, and happy swiping!