NFL Monday Morning Rewind - AFC
Monday Morning (ish). Let’s Rock.
Cincy 16, Pittsburgh 24
Big Ben looking Spry!
In all seriousness, props to Dan Rooney for being EIGHTY FOUR and still getting to every game and being involved with the team, even if he can’t stand up straight anymore.
First Steelers home game of the year, let’s Go!
No clue what a lion has to do with Pittsburgh but sure.
You just know Spanky is the life of the tailgate. The guy who will cook the steaks, chew on a cigar, then drink too many Yuenglings and fall through a table. Everyone needs a Spanky in their crew. Spanky is also the guy that has had skid marks in his underwear for the past decade but I digress.
Bonus
The shoes that go sideways from Spanky’s hard living.
The game. Well it was a Bengals/Steelers game so you know people got the shit kicked out of them.
And that there was a controversial call that was wrong
And that Pacman Jones had something to say.
Hats off the AFC North. Between the Steelers, Raven, and Bengals, they consistently have the best rivalries year in and year out. Teams that truly despise each other. Nothing like it.
Baltimore 25, Cleveland 20
And then we have the Browns. Hey wait a second, the Browns are up 20-2, the Browns are going to win a game, the Browns are good?
Haha just kidding. After a 20-2 start, Josh McCown got hurt (shocker) and the Browns gave up 23 un answered to lose 25-20, so basically the most Browns game of all time.
No one blames you.
You know what this was? A Taunting penalty. Yes, a guy throwing a ball back to the ref with an opposing player in the neighborhood is now taunting. So fucking typical of the NFL to make this new penalty that not only takes the fun out of the game, but also adds yet another level of extreme subjectivity to every single game. It wasn’t enough that we had to guess what a catch is every single week, now we have to worry about players thrusting their hips and getting a 15 yard penalty. Fucking brutal.
Dominant shirt.
This is just depressing as fuck.
Miami 24, New England 31
Big news out of New England was future Chicago Bear Jimmy Garoppolo hurt his shoulder and was forced from the game.
Meaning people could make some super hilarious Dom Grady jokes that have never been done.
And that Jacoby Brissett will somehow become the next greatest QB because Dave Portnoy signed a deal with the devil.
We also got the 20th straight season of the Dolphins hype not being real. Fun times!
And Wes Welker making us all feel pretty bad for him.
1 more and you’re officially “don’t fuck with me” status.
Finally shout out to LeGarrette Blount, big men shouldn’t be flying like that.
Kansas City 12, Houston 19
COOL GUY ALERT. COOL GUY ALERT
I’m going to say something nice about the Texans. That Defense is fucking LEGIT. 9 sacks an interception and 3 fumbles recovered in 2 games. Every time they switched to this game on Red Zone it was either the Chiefs fumbling or Alex Smith running for his life. It hurts for me to say but I think the letterman jackets are back. Puke.
Texan fans stay weird.
Jacksonville 14, San Diego 38
The Wikipedia Club is on the ropes.
I’m just going to pray the Jaguars turn it around by the time we have the next meeting because if they’re 1-5 things will be pretty pretty awkward.
Shout out to Melvin Gordon’s mom. Classic Football Gal
And shout out to Melvin Gordon for wearing an awesome press conference shirt. In no way am I saying that because I want 1 Badger running back, just 1, to succeed in the NFL. It’s just an awesome shirt.
As is tradition.
Atlanta 35, Oakland 28
First Raiders home game of the season. First Raiders home game of the season. First Raiders home game of the season. Let’s Go.
Here’s the best part of the Rams moving to LA. Raiders fans know their reputation as the craziest fanbase is now in serious jeopardy. A fan fight arm race is brewing and I could not be more excited.
Also I’m pretty sure that little Asian/Mexican dude thought he was in the matrix with the slow mo karate. Tough break to realize you’re actually just in the Black Hole.
Desmond Truant with the Lamarr Houston award.
Is Matty Ice back? You tell me, laser beams.
Quick Shout out to my guy Dan Quinn. I know I’ve made fun of him for his field goal last year in San Francisco but yesterday he went for 2 in the 3rd quarter. Yes the same Dan Quinn that kicked a field goal in the 4th quarter on goal line situation to bring his team to within 4 went for 2 when he didn’t really need to. Proud of him.
MAYBE NOT!
Colts 20, Broncos 34
When you suck at football but no one wants to talk about it.
Suck is actually harsh because this Denver D is for real yet again. Von Miller is the best Defensive player in the league and yes this was literally the only play I couldn’t have happen with Colts +6.5
So yes Denver is awesome but also fuck Andrew Luck forever. Done, #Done betting on him.
