Is It A Violation That I've Become A Pure Burrito Bowl Guy At Chipolte?

I’m very torn on this transformation in life. Sure, as of late I’ve been making moves maybe not, you know, have my heart implode before the next Olympics, but still. Chipolte is one of few places left where we can let loose under the impression of being somewhat healthy. Little did we know it was like the Fat-Free Frozen Yogurt place in Seinfeld and has been unknowingly giving everyone ordering a full-sized burrito an extra gunt, but that’s neither here nor there. Neither is the E-Coli. But I considered it a violation of mankind if you walk into a Chipolte and not get as much bang for your buck as possible. It’s simply un-American to not load up. I used to be damned if I was going to get anything other than the Smitty special – double of steak/chicken, pinto, hottest sauce possible and LOADED with sour cream, guac, corn and cheese. If the heart didn’t stop at least once while devouring that life-sized infant then I was doing life wrong. Unbuckled the belt and become a remorseless eating machine. I didn’t even want to look at anyone ordering a bowl, let alone exist with them. Now I am one of those people, and I don’t know how to feel about myself.

Veteran Move: Order a steak burrito/bowl then once they’re done scooping the meat, say oh wait you want half chicken, too. There’s no way those minimum wage slaves are removing some of the steak back and you get an extra scoop of chicken for your efforts. Then say double it if you also choose not to live past 40.

PS – Back in 2011 during the first time I was living in NYC, the live-in woman went away for the week and I had Chipolte for lunch and dinner the entire week. It was glorious, but no joke, I gained 12 pounds in 5 days. Looking back on it, I’m lucky to be alive. Here’s the fat face/sad life for scale.