Brandon Marshall Says Playing With The Jets Is Like Never Getting Your Diaper Changed

Now, Brandon, imagine sitting in that diaper for your entire life. Imagine taking a shit the day you watched your first football game and then letting that shit sit in your diaper for the next, I dunno, 25 years. That’s me right now. Some guys out there have been wearing that shit diaper for 45 years. A handful of us out there once got our diapers changed in 1969. One diaper change in our entire lives. Other than that, we’ve all been running around with a diaper soaked in piss, chock full of poop. Hanging down between our knees as we waddle around the parking lot of the Meadowlands.

And really all I’m asking for is a diaper change. I’m not asking for a new pair of pants. I’m not asking for a new fancy toy. I don’t need a nice crib. I’m not asking for any of that. I know that we’re the poor family on the block that can’t have nice things. But I just want a fresh diaper, man. I’m so sick of sitting in my own poop. I’ve got a diaper rash. I smell terrible. It’s uncomfortable and mortifying and it’s just not any fun. One diaper in 31 years just isn’t cool, man. All I’m asking from Woody Johnson is to find a competent head coach and at least change that diaper. I’m not even gonna ask for a quarterback. I’d have to be potty trained first. Getting a QB would be like getting a fancy toilet and we’re not ready for that yet. Jets fans are not yet capable of handling a QB. We wouldn’t even know how that works. So let’s just change this franchise’s diaper and get me a head coach and some coordinators who know how to do their job.

New motto for the 2017 and beyond. The New York Jets – Lets Change Our Diaper.