Knee Jerk Reactions to Super Bowl LI: Patriots vs. Falcons

Jerry Thornton2/06/2017 5:33 PM

Things to consider while agreeing with David Ortiz yet again. #ThisIsOurFuckingFootballTeam:

*I don’t know how you’re supposed to rate championships. Some mean more than others, I suppose. But this isn’t the 2004 Red Sox or last year’s Cubs that will send you down to the cemetery with your Troy Brown autographed football and a Pat Patriot koozie. But all things considered, this is about as special a title as any we’ve been fortunate enough to see.

*This championship isn’t about your dear departed granny who never got to see them win it all. This one is for today’s Patriots fans. The most energized, engaged, motivated, pissed off, loyal and yes, insufferable fanbase in all of sports. The internet-savvy orc army who are sick of the world trying to take all the fun out of the team’s success, fed up with the dynasty being minimized at every turn, and just generally done with taking everybody else’s horseshit. Mostly we’re out of fucks to give when it comes to being treated like there are two sets of rules: One for 31 teams and another for the Patriots. So we came to places like Barstool and a million Facebook fan pages and formed a breakaway republic. An NFLexit. And declared war on the rest of the football world.

*And this win represents total scorched Earth, sand-into-glass, thermonuclear victory. Tom Brady gets to stand before everyone and say “Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.” So sure, we’ve seen plenty of success in the 21st century Masshole Millennium, but after two years of having to endure all the persecution, witch hunts and lies, this one stands alone.

*I don’t get why all Patriots Super Bowls have to be pure agony, but we just have to learn to deal. Other franchises get to go and it’s just a football game. With the Pats, it’s always a psy-quest, filled with surreal moments, impossible catches and history-changing plays, like something out of a peyote dream.

*Brady hits Danny Amendola to pull to within 10, and I’m dizzy. James White pulls the old Kevin Faulk direct snap trick to pick up the conversion, and I’ve got hysterical blindness. Two deep balls to Julian Edelman and Amendola and Web MD confirms I’m having a stroke. White scores again and I’m hovering above the couch, looking down at my body. During the coin toss in overtime, I’ve got Myra Kraft beckoning me from the end of a shaft of light. And only when White broke the plane was I able to rejoin my corporeal self and be here to write this. I know it’s a First World problem. That if you tell people these close Super Bowls are killing you, Lions and Browns fans aren’t about to form a charity march in your honor. But just once it’d be nice to have a laugher.

*I can’t really dive too deep into the Xs & Os, because there’s just so much to unpack here. People will be studying this game for hundreds of years like they do the Civil War. I’ve re-watched some of it and can’t even fathom how a team can go without a touchdown for the first 43 minutes, then score on their last five possessions, with four of those drives touchdowns and two ending with conversions.

*I hate to go to the Football Cliche Generator app, but sometimes it really does just come down to execution. Makin’ plays. Blockin’ ‘n tacklin’. It didn’t strike me watching the game live that either team did anything differently strategy-wise during the 25-point comeback. Sometimes we’re all guilty of overcomplicating the game, and I’m facing felony counts of doing just that. Well in this case, it might just be as simple as the Pats started doing things right.

*If the Falcons defense blitzed all night, I must have been opening another beer because I missed it. For the first three quarters, they were beating the protection with four rushers. They ran a lot of stunts and twists the O-line struggled with. But on those last five drives, they started picking those up and winning the 1-on-1 battles. Nate Solder and Marcus Cannon definitely stepped up, with a little more chipping from Martellus Bennett as the game went on, after getting speed-rushed early and often. Someday I’m going to dive into the mystery of how Grady goddamned Jarrett turned into Justin Tuck. But today is about celebrating.

*The skill guys also simply … [checks the app again] made plays … they weren’t making earlier. Brady threw with the aim of an Imperial Stormtrooper through the whole first half. Chris Hogan had a drop. Edelman had one of the worst of his career. It was like the bad old days of Aaron Dropson and Kembrell Dropkins. And when they did connect, a young, athletic but undersized Atlanta defense swarmed to the ball and YAC was pratically nonexistent.

*During the comeback though, the passing lanes were open. The Pats used a lot of motion to identify man/zone and Brady found the weak spots. Especially involving White. He is a such a huge YAC guy because he’s used like a wideout, with designed intermediate and deep routes, as opposed to your typical back who’s usually a checkdown option. Early on White was just that. But once the receivers started hitting those crosses and deep out routes, it opened space for White to do what God put him on Earth for.

*While we’re on the topic of White, that game winning touchdown was not only a great run by him, it was perfect execution of brilliant play call. Edelman motioned in to block (which the Pats call “WIP,” the W designating the X-receiver, I meaning coming toward the formation, P meaning to block) down on Brian Poole, Hogan set the edge on Vic Beasley, Malcolm Mitchell had Jalen Collins in the end zone, Cannon pulled to take out Deion Jones who over pursued as White cut back behind him and outmuscled Ricardo Allen for the score. And we mostly have the wide receivers’ blocking to thank for it. They do move in herds. …

*Later on I’ll try to figure out how White got in on his first rushng touchdown, the one that brought them to within two. Tyson Jackson actually got into the backfield shooting the A-gap and Beasley was coming down the line. But White somehow worked his way through them all like a jewel thief negotiating his way down a hallway filled with lasers.

*I don’t want to come off like a shameless Brady suck up. I’m all about speaking truth to power. So I have the courage of my convictions enough to say that pick-6 was unconscionable. Robert Alford was in the “Rat” role, playing back to take away the inside cuts. And exactly the kind of guy I expected Brady to exploit like a child laborer in China by looking him off or pump faking him. But Alford sat on the route, timed it perfectly and disaster struck. There. I just ripped the undisputed GOAT after the clutchest performance in the history of clutchiness. I’m going to be sore tomorrow.

*That said, Brady did what he does. He took the mistake, learned from it and made a masterpiece. In the way that Bob Ross would take a bad brush stroke and turn it into a beautiful bird. That’s how the true legends do it. It’s what separates the Bradys and Rosses from us mortals.

*This week’s Applicable Movie Quote: “Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life. ” – Inigo Montoya, “The Princess Bride”

*I’ve gone way too long without getting into the Edelman catch. Mainly because my puny human brain can’t comprehend how he was able to pull it off. With three Falcons draped over him like they were Lady Gaga’s meat suit. All fighting him for the ball. How one of them got a hand on it from the bottom of the pile to keep it off the turf. And he managed to be the only one in the scrum to see it and secure it an inch off the ground. My only answer is that the universe owed us at least one impossible catch. I can’t explain it with physics, so I’ll fall back on metaphysics.

*The defensive equivalent of the Edelman Catch (if the Helmet Catch gets a proper noun, so does this) is a tie between Dont’a Hightower’s forced fumble and Trey Flowers’ sack. Both did nothing less than save the human race. And by that I mean the only portion of the human race I care about, which is me. Hightower’s strip was the absolute game-changer. The ruh-roh moment when you could actually hear the seed of doubt in the Falcons’ minds start to sprout. Hightower was at the Sam, outside of Rob Ninkovich who ran a stunt inside. That left DeVonta Freeman, who froze like Hightower had said “One, two, three, redlight!” and let him come in clean. Flowers’ play was pure athleticism and hustle, shooting the C-G gap and hand-fighting Chris Chester. That came on a 2nd & 11 from the 23 and took Atlanta to the edge of field goal range, followed by a Jake Mathews choke hold on Chris Long that would get a cop sued by the ACLU that took them out of it. Punt.

*For the record, I didn’t think the secondary was playing all that badly, even when it was a 28-3 game. They did what they do. Played man between the 20s and zone in the red area and tried to use the sidelines as an extra defender. The Austin Hooper TD was a perfect pitch and catch. Julio Jones had his obligatory insane toe tap grab. Matt Ryan play-actioned Taylor Gabriel open deep a couple of times. Because those are things Atlanta does really well. But overall, if you hold the Falcons to three offensive touchdowns and make 2nd half stops, your department deserves a pizza party on Friday.

*Someday I’ll try to figure out how an undersized Atlanta front who’s terrible against the run managed to gang tackle LeGarrette Blount into irrelevance. And maybe I’ll call off the Amber Alert I put out for Dion Lewis. But for now I’ll just appreciate that James White had three touchdowns and a conversion in the greatest football game ever played.

*And all Tom Brady did was set records for attempts, completions, passing yards and balls that will never be touched. With the weight of the world on his shoulders, an entire nation rooting against him, and his illness-stricken mom there with a bandana on her head. He pulled such a real life “Rocky IV” I can’t even believe it’s not fiction. Taking the early punishment, fighting back, being made of iron, winning over the crowd and earning the respect of everyone that wanted to hate him.

*What a time to be a fan of this sport, this team and this man. Today I owe lots of beers to some guys who let their little brother tag along to see the worst franchise in all of pro sports play in a $6 million concrete toilet seat in the middle of a dirt parking lot and turn me into a Patriots fan for life. Appreciate every single moment of this, New England. This is beyond anything that kid from Weymouth, listening to the games on his crappy little clock radio because Pats home games were blacked out could even have dreamed of. Enjoy it.

Jerry has a book! “From Darkness to Dynasty: The First 40 Years of the New England Patriots” has been called “the perfect book for any reader who is a die-hard Pats fan.” It’s of available now online and at bookstores everywhere. Details and scheduled book signings are at JerryThornton.net.