CNN Actually Calls Sign Kid "Patrick McGillicuddy" On Air

Fake News! Fake News! Alternative facts! I think this kid has no choice but to legally change his name at this point. Once you’ve been reported by a news outlet, that just becomes facts. Just becomes your name. Also yesterday on Barstool Radio I received word on what his real first name is. We revealed it to Sirius listeners but I think I’m keeping it in the vault from here on out. It ruins the illusion. I can promise you his name sucks a lot more than Patrick McGillicuddy.

Anyway, this is my 8th year here at Barstool and I think I have to put the invention of Patrick McGillicuddy, and my subsequent feud with him, near the top of the list when it comes to Blogging Accomplishments. I created a half fake half real pre-adolescent nemesis with the theory that he was raised by wolves and may not even be a real human. Maybe some incarnation of the Devil sent her to torment me. I made all that up in my weird brain about a child, who at the time was 11 years old. When you really lay it all out and describe the situation, its pretty goddam demented. I mean just think about drunk adult Stoolies running up to this kid and screaming the wrong name in his face. Think about being his parents walking him through the parade and people are just yelling “Fuck KFC!” into the face of their 4th grade son. I’m surprised I havent gotten hit with some sort of retraining order or stalking charges. Top 5 weirdest, but I’d say funniest, things I’ve ever done.