Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Slapped His Girlfriend With A Dildo After She Said "You're Not A Man, You're A Mouse" While They Had Sex?

FEBRUARY 21–A Florida man punched his girlfriend and struck her with a “plastic dildo” when she criticized his performance as they were having sex, police allege.  According to an arrest affidavit, Eric Pritsch, 42, and Carol Favuzza, 58, tangled earlier this month at their trailer home in Stuart. While the couple was having sex, Favuzza told cops, she told Pritsch, “You’re not a man, you’re a mouse.” This comment, investigators noted, was “in reference to his apparent inability to perform.” After that withering appraisal, Pritsch (seen above) allegedly punched Favuzza in the face and “struck her in the back several times with a plastic dildo and some type of cord.” Pritsch and Favuzza both appeared drunk, police reported.

First things first. Hitting your girlfriend is not cool so this guy can go fuck himself. He can also go fuck himself because how the hell is a guy like him having sex with an actual female woman? That doesn’t seem right at all. I shouldn’t throw stones cause I’m not exactly Ryan Gosling but the fact that a guy like him can still get it in should give hope to the rest of us uglies. I mean I’m sure the girl he was having terrible sex with isn’t exactly Sofia Vergara but she was still like, “Yeah sure. I’ll let this guy have sex with me” and I find that baffling. Also, the line “You’re not a man, you’re a mouse” is equal parts cruel and equal parts awesome. Maybe the most emasculating thing you can say to a guy while he’s trying his damnedest to sexually pleasure a woman. She didn’t just say he had a tiny dick. She said he has a dick the size of one of the smallest creatures in the animal kingdom. That obviously doesn’t warrant her getting smacked with a dildo, nothing does, but goddamn she knows how to cut to the core of a guy.