Starbucks Is Now Selling Coffee That Was Aged In Whiskey Barrels Cause We Are Such Assholes

WP- Remember the days when whiskey barrel aging was just for, well, whiskey? Those days are long gone. As of March 6, you can get a cup of Starbucks coffee made using whiskey barrel aged beans. The coffee, called Starbucks Reserve Whiskey Barrel Aged Sulawesi, is a very limited batch sold exclusively at the Seattle Roastery. You can drink it in two specialty drinks, a cold brew and the “Barrel Aged Con Crema,” as well as buy a scoop of whole coffee beans you can French press at your own leisure. “As a chef and a food scientist, experimentation is central to my being,” Duane Thompson, a member of Starbucks’ research and development team, says in a statement. “My neighbors would tease me about all the barrels in my garage. I’d play with infusing spices like cinnamon sticks and cardamom just to see what flavors would be imparted.” Violà, a coffee primed for customers who, in Thompson’s words, “are seeking an immersive, sensorial experience that the craftsmanship of barrel-aged coffee delivers.”

Sometimes I stand in awe of just how big of assholes we are as humans. I really do. Like it’s pretty astounding when you really step back and examine it. I mean come on. Coffee beans aged in whiskey barrels? That is patently ridiculous. I had the same feeling when I was watching the Oscars a couple weeks ago and they gave out an award for Achievements In Makeup And Hairstyling. What the hell are we doing here? I thought fancy smancy beers were going to be the biggest asshole thing we did bt coffee beans aged in whiskey barrels takes the cake by far. That’s so ridiculous that I can barely type. I’m okay with Starbucks selling this stuff if it’s just so they can expose the losers who order it and then shoot them into the Sun (capital S, always respect the Sun). Actually you know what? I don’t blame Starbucks the more I think about it.  Because they’re simply supplying the asshole demand that’s there. They wanna make money off these idiots and that’s respectable. But I say we all just drink normal coffee with maybe a little cream and sugar and not look like gaping assholes for the rest of human history.