The Favorite Sex Position Of Massachusetts Is Preposterous (It's Facesitting)
I always take these “surveys” with a grain of salt because companies just use them to get attention, but guess what? It’s also fun to talk about, so fuck it.
Now. Were only women consulted in this study? Because if not then I’m a one in a million weirdo. No other dudes like to be on top? Really? What the hell’s that all about? This isn’t to say I’m a hater of any of the options provided, I’m far from it, but being on top puts you in the drivers seat. You’re the captain of the USS I Don’t Want To Come Too Soon, holding legs like you’re at the helm.
Woman on top? If she’s in the zone you’re gonna have to practically fight her, or throw her, to slow things down. “Wait… wait…” will fall on deaf ears ten times out of ten if she’s up there rocking.
Doggy style? You’re still kind of in control but if you make strong eye contact with a butthole then the wheels are liable to fall off in a heartbeat.
Facesitting is an interesting one. Am I into it? Sure, I’m a 21st century male. You want control, ladies? Take it. Oxygen is overrated anyway. But favorite? Favorite? No, it is not my favorite. I have a pretty steadfast rules when it comes to favorite sex positions and to even be in the conversation, my dick has to be getting touched.
69? More or less same as facesitting. It’s fine, it’s fun, but it’s not in the “best” conversation. 69 is fun to fuck around with and have a good time, but Indiana is way out of line here.
Finally we come to criss cross… I do not know what the fuck criss cross is, Indiana. It sounds like when Steve Carrell would say in 40 Year Old Virgin when asked what his favorite sex position is. “Ohhh man I just love criss cross. Yeah, criss cross is so sexy it’s just so hot.” Grow up, Indiana, you buncha virgins. Have sex once before answering a “favorite sex position” survery.


Final answer: guy on top. I stand by it, even if that makes me weird.