Ice Cube's Big 3 Basketball League's Draft Was The Other Day, So It's Time To Break Down The Teams
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Big3- FULL DRAFT RESULTS:
1. Trilogy: Rashad McCants
2. 3’s Company: Andre Owens
3. Killer 3s: Reggie Evans
4. Tri-State: Xavier Silas
5. Three-Headed Monsters: Kwame Brown
6. Power: Jerome Williams
7. Ball Hogs: Derrick Byars
8. Ghost Ballers: Maurice Evans
9. Ghost Ballers: Marcus Banks
10. Ball Hogs: Rasual Butler
11. Power: DeShawn Stevenson
12. Three-Headed Monsters: Eddie Basden
13. Tri-State: Lee Nailon
14. Killer 3s: Larry Hughes
15. 3’s Company: Michael Sweetney
16. Trilogy: James White
17. Three-Headed Monsters: Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf
18. Ball Hogs: Dominic McGuire
19. Trilogy: Dion Glover
20. Power: Moochie Norris
21. 3’s Company: Ruben Patterson
22. Ghost Ballers: Ivan Johnson
23. Tri-State: Mike James
24. Killers 3s: Brian Cook
So after months of hype, we are inching closer to the beginning of the Big 3 season. Myself, as I’m sure a bunch of other basketball fans, have been interested to see how this is all going to pan out. Old, maybe washed up players look good on paper but when they are on the hardwood, it may get ugly. Then again, with a 3-on-3 format, some of the most fun/crazy players we watched over the years, and likely some outstanding bets/grudges between some of those players, there is definitely some decent entertainment value potential here.
Lets get to the teams.
3’s Company
I feel like this is going to be the team most people root for from the jump because Allen Iverson is playing for them and if you didn’t love AI, then you were a giant asshole or couldn’t get a seat at the Philly TGI Fridays when he took it over. And as Joe M pointed out to me, Coach Iverson will likely never make his team practice.
However I feel like most 3’s Company fans will QUICKLY grow tired of Mike Sweetney. Here’s a fun fact for you. In the NBA-changing 2003 NBA Draft, the New York Knicks selected Mike Sweetney and I convinced myself that he would be a good player because he used to murder Syracuse with an ass so wide it would give Phil Jackson wet dreams. Oh yeah and Ruben Patterson may be a crazy person, so keep an eye out for him to do some outrageous shit. The amount of Jail Blazers in this league should be riveting.
3-Headed Monsters
Cool logo. A bunch of likable players. The fucking Glove talking shit as head coach. There is a lot to like about the 3-Headed Monsters. But I simply cannot get behind a team that drafted Kwame Brown, no matter which league or draft it is. Michael Jordan not being able to get Kwame blackballed from the Big 3 is proof MJ has lost his fastball.
The only fair counterpoint to my Kwame Brown argument is Jason Williams highlights.
And I forgot that they have Mahmoud Abdul Rauf AKA Steph Curry 0.5 according to the Zen Master. Shit, now my brain is in a pretzel. The ceiling may be the roof for the 3-Headed Monsters. I wish they straight up bit the Targaryen logo from Game of Thrones to ensure they got some nerd love behind the franchise.
Ghost Ballers
The Iceman is cool as fuck and seeing Ricky Davis do Ricky Davis things again will be a shocking dose of nostalgia. But a team where Mike Bibby is the captain is an absolute snoozefest.
Ball Hogs
This team will definitely be the “People’s Champion” team because it has the White Mamba on it and I bet Rick Barry will win some fans over by being a crotchety fuck that everyone hates. If George Gervin did the granny free throw, players like Shaq and DeAndre would have done it because he was cool. But Rick Barry is such a douche, nobody ever gives it a chance. I hope to God that Rick Barry is mic’d up for these games.
Tri-State
We have a combatant in the Malice At The Palace, a Jail Blazer and Dr. J all on the same squad. But you know who I am most forward to seeing on my TV or internet capable device (I have no clue how these games will be broadcast)? Lee Nailon. That name makes me smile every time I see it. Ol’ Lee was doing worrrrrk down at TCU back in the day. And since Krazy Kurt Thomas also went to TCU and I loved the fuck out of Kurt, I loved Lee by association. Yeah it makes no sense but neither does rooting for sports in the first place.
And lets call a spade a spade. Tri-State is by farrrrr the worst team name in the league.
Power
Lots to like about this team. Clyde the Glide rocking the clipboard. The Junkyard Dog, DeShawn Stevenson, and Moochie Norris were all fun players that didn’t mind getting a little dirty when it counted. But it’s the two notable absences on this list that I have to point out. How can Corey Maggette be the captain of a team and not sign Darius Miles? I need the headband bump back in my life.
And any team with Cuttino Mobley needs to have Steve Franchise on it. I don’t care if Steve is playing or sleeping on the bench while scaring away the kids. Him getting snubbed during yesterday’s draft really has me questioning Cuttino’s loyalty. I mean look. Steve isn’t even (that) frightening anymore!
Killer 3s
Now this is my squad. I mean I already would have liked this team even thought Mr. Big Shot Chauncey Bi-bi-bi-billups turned into a pumpkin a year after he was traded to the Knicks. But Captain Jack is Must Watch TV. I had an irrational love for Larry Hughes going back to his days at St. Louis University and if we are being honest, I still he could still make it in the NBA. But the real reason this is my squad is that the Oakman is coaching. My favorite NBA player of all-time even before he tried to put James Dolan 6 feet under.
Also this quote by Kwame was funny.
Do you think MJ would ever let Oak come within 1000 feet of him again if he drafted Kwame fucking Brown? Helllllll no. And what’s Kwame going to do to the baddest motherfucker on the planet? I’m pretty sure Oak could beat his ass on the court or in the squared circle. Kwame fucking Brown man. Does this look like a guy you want to fuck with?
Do they sell Killer 3’s jerseys yet? What’s the biggest size the jerseys come in? And do they make them in China yet? Because I got a guy over there that can get you any bootleg jersey you want when he’s not doing shots of snake blood.
Triolgy
I don’t know what that name means, but the logo scares me as much as the captain with lips tattooed on his neck. Love me some K-Mart. Rashad McCants is the ultimate boom or bust at the one pick because I’m pretty sure he had the talent to be an NBA rotational player but he just didn’t have the love of the game. Getting paid a fraction of a fraction of that paycheck in a league with old has-beens probably isn’t going to get the motor running either. Add K-Mart’s toughness and McCants talent with James Flight White’s highlight prowess and you may be onto something.
And of course, anytime you have Al Harrington on a team, you get the obligatory Gus Johnson call.
So here’s to this league not sucking and hopefully by some chance being good? Above average? Something fun we can tweet about when a crazy highlight or fight breaks out? It’s better than nothing, right?
(I don’t think Ice Cube will be using that as a catch phrase for the league. At least not in Season 1)