Adam Schefter Workout Tape Causes Massive Earthquake As Nation's Pants Hit Ground Simultaneously

Adam Schefter is ESPNs 5 tool guy- he can report NFL news, report NBA news, take other peoples NFL news without accredtation, take other peoples NBA news without accredtation , and he’s apparently in line to star as a body double in the next 300 movie:

And folks while Peter King is more of a depends guy, pampered Adam is all about the pull-ups. I’m shocked Adams able to get up for a morning working after pulling that all-nighter back at the start of free agency but Adam knows there’s no time to sleep when your the most woke insider. For all those naysayers who think Schefter chose his career path of being a insider because he thought that meant he could stay indoors all day

The NFL, moreso then other leagues demands that its reporters be in tip top shape to report on it. Athletes wont respect you unless you look like them, which is why Bob Costas gets all the behind the scenes stuff at the Derby.  With the NFL, the mental gymnastics and ethical flexbility alone is enough to test most journlists conscience’s ability to bend but not break. So Adams putting in the ofseason work to get a Coors Light Cold Hard Six Pack.

And when Schefty drops his signature line “curls for the girls” as hes doing shoulder raises, folks there’s a nation of female sports fans whose underwear has basicaly turned into a Crocdile Mile slip ‘n’ slide. It also begs alot of questions:

1. Will Adams photospread in the next ESPN bodys issue be lamnated? Asking for a friend of a friend (me).

2. Is Schefty using PEDs?

3. Could Rhianna learn alot from Adam about how to keep in good shape? She had a unflattering picture taken of her one time, unlike me a sports blogger who is allways lookin shredded and bedded.