BREAKING NEWS: I Hate Jake Guentzel
This mother fucker. This mother fucker right here.
Let it be known that in the year of our lord 2017, Jake Guentzel has become public enemy numero uno. Plenty of you reading this blog right now are probably thinking to yourself, “what is a Jake Guentzel?”. And that’s exactly my point. A 3rd round pick in the 2013 draft. Has only played 40 regular season NHL games in his career so far. And right now he leads the NHL playoffs with 12 goals, which is a record for an American-born rookie in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And that’s what hurts the most. He’s a good ol’ American boy. Played cawlidge hawkey at Nebraska after a little stint in the USHL. I should love this kid. I should have a shrine of him in my room right between my ones of Mike Modano and Brett Hull. But I’m taking a look deep down into my heart and all that’s there right now is hate. Hate hate hate.
This son of a bitch is going to torch Pekka Rinne for a few more games and win a consecutive Stanley Cup championship for the Pittsburgh Penguins. I can’t live in a world where those bastards win back-to-back. I wasn’t alive for the Cup they won in 1991. The year I was born was for their back-to-back in 1992. And now here we are. 25 years later and it’s the same shit. And Jake Guentzel is the one who is tying my noose for me.
Malkin has to be the front-runner for the Conn Smythe right now. But you’d have to put Guentzel right up there with him. Depending on how the next few games play out, Jake Guentzel could be a Conn Smythe winner and nobody outside of Pittsburgh fans and die-hard hockey fans have ever heard of him. It would be one thing if it was Crosby leading the way. He’s a top 2 player in the world. It would be another thing if it was Kessel leading the way. He’s the most lovable shithead known to man. But Jake Guentzel? I hate this sport so much and I hate myself even more for paying attention to it.