Man Breaks World Record For Walking With A Lawn Mower On His Chin

Hey Ashrita, nobody is impressed. The blades were facing away from your face. Flip that thing around and maybe I’ll buy in, but this was just boring. If there’s no risk that you turn your face into corned beef, then you might as well be balancing a dandelion on your chin. Also, that’s a tiny lawnmower. A micromower. The kind of mower where your wife says, “well, he knows how to use it and he’s good to me, so that’s all that matters.”  It’s a precision trimmer, great for shaving your neck/pubes but if you tried to buzz your head, it would jam. Throw an airplane propeller under one of those outrageous home depot specials used to clear bush in ‘Nam and I’ll tune in.

Until then, stop announcing “records” that nobody cares about. The only reason anyone ever bought the Guinness book was to check in on the oldest living person, the fattest living person, the tallest living person, and the person with the longest fingernails. Everything else sucked.