Florida Man Loses His Toes, Some Fingers, And A Testicle Whilst Bathing In A Pond

A 68-year-old man from Florida lost his left index finger, two toes and a testicle after he was attacked by an alligator.

Fredric Iman was bathing in a retention pond in Port Charlotte, something he says he does regularly because he is homeless.

He said he checked the pond for alligators before he stepped in and didn’t see the gator until it attacked him from behind.

“It ate his toes off” isn’t something you wanna hear when you are laying bloody on the floor. Fucking Florida, man. One minute you are just taking a leisurely little dip in your favorite roadside retention pond and the next minute you have a crotch full of gauze and a microphone in your face. Being homeless in Florida, you have to keep your head on a swivel.

I know better than anybody that ponds often look super inviting. The dark, murky water just screams out to be relaxed in. The temperature is high and the humidity is higher. Nothing beats the heat like a little dip. You realize as a Floridian that you share your state with dinosaurs so you check the pond before you get it. Always. It’s the Florida version of wallet, keys, phone. You just check.

Alligators are shifty fuckers, though. They can sneak right back in the pond and bite your testicles before you even blink. Our pal Fredric is keeping a positive mental attitude but he knows he’s up against it when he leaves the hospital.

He didn’t even mention that he lost a testicle because he knows this is a family website. That’s all class, baby. All class.