The Comprehensive List Of Best Phil Kessel Photos Ever
Phil Kessel. Nice guy, tries hard, loves the game. A true American hero. An inspiration to many and a friend to all. You take one look at the guy, learn he’s a two-time Stanley Cup Champion and you realize that in life, anything is possible.
Over the years, Phil The Thrill has has plenty of great looks. Yesterday was one of them as it was his day with the Cup. He decided to hit the links with Lord Stanley and guzzle down some Back 9 Dogs. It’s photos like this that make it virtually impossible for anybody to ever hate Phil Kessel aside from that rat bastard lardass Steve Simmons. So with this photo in mind, I figured today would be a great day to remember all the great and many looks of Phil Kessel so far in his career.
Like his headshot for Team USA at the Sochi Olympics. Phil Kessel has this unique ability to make something as mundane as team headshots and turn them into a majestic work of art. He doesn’t even need to do anything. Just look at the camera with a bit of a dopey face and voila, one of the most iconic photographs in hockey history is born.
Speaking of Sochi, who wouldn’t pay an extra free to their cable provider every month just to get a channel that airs Phil Kessel ripping some smelling salts 24/7? Hell, I don’t think I’d ever change the channel again.
There have been many humbling experiences along the way for Phil Kessel. Like the time he was the last pick for the 2011 All Star Game fantasy draft. But just look at the way this beautiful creature took it in stride. Plus, I think he got a Honda Odyssey out of it or something like that. A practical vehicle for a practical man.
Other humbling experiences are pretty much anytime Phil Kessel gets interviewed after a game without wearing anything on his head. But he is both beautiful and brave in his own right. He’s no supermodel. But he’s not going to let those unrealistic expectations that male models set for everybody in the magazines affect his life. He’s a real man. Not some photoshopped slab of man meat. So what he has a few flaws? I know I’d still damn well I’d rather see Phil naked than that bag of milk Lena Dunham.
Nobody really knew what to expect when Phil first got traded to Pittsburgh from Toronto. Then he took this photo and everybody knew that everything was going to be alright. He just has that constant look on his face like “I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do here, can I just go home already?”. And I admire the heck out of that.
Since joining the Penguins, Phil has been living his best life. Like the time he filled his pockets with god knows what while visiting the Pirates clubhouse while showing off that he can still squeeze himself into that shirt from high school.
He’s been a Presidential candidate and one that I’m sure 75% of Americans wish they could go back and vote for.
And Mr. Kessel did go to Washington. Just not as the President-elect, but as a guest of the President as a Stanley Cup Champion. They say that Washington DC is the Hollywood for ugly people. Phil Kessel went down there for one day and immediately flipped that narrative on it’s face. He’s the hottest looking burnt out, jaded staffer that city has ever seen.
But none of his looks thus far even come close to the one we saw yesterday. A two-time Stanley Cup Champ. The plain black hat with the vicious curve. The floppy collar that you know is drenched in sweat. The grown out hair that just screams “I don’t give a shit”. The physique. The dogs. The pure shame and humiliation you know that Steve Simmons is feeling whilst staring down the face of a man he tried to defeat. Between bringing the Cup to Toronto last summer and this Steve Simmons troll job from yesterday, I wouldn’t necessarily mind if he wins another 4 or 5 of these bad boys.